A Definitive Ranking Of Phoebe Buffay's Top 40 Songs

Anyone who watches "Friends" knows the best moments of the show are often the ones where Phoebe is holding a guitar. Whether she's singing about life's deepest struggles (like the time her hair did that "woohoo thing") or teaching kids about the harsh realities of a hamburger, Phoebe has a very unique way of bringing music to life. Here is a ranking of Phoebe's top 40 songs on the show.

40. Who Will Perform the Ceremony

S.7 E.1: The One With Monica's Thunder

Lyrics: Now! Who will perform the ceremony, who will perform the ceremony

39. The Food Here At Javu

S.9 E.19: The One With Rachel's Dream

Lyrics: "The food here at Javu.... will kill you. The food here at Javu.... will kill you."

38. Stephanie

S.2 E.1: The One With The Baby on the Bus

Lyrics: Stephanie knows all the chords!

37. Sticky Shoes

S.4 E.5: The One With Joey's New Girlfriend

Lyrics: My sticky shoe
My sticky, sticky shoe
Why you stick on me, baaay-bay?

36. Crusty Old Man

S.2 E.8: The One Where Dr. Ramoray Dies

Lyrics: ..And the crusty old man said "I'll do what I can"
And the rest of the rats played maracas

35. Emma

S.10 E.4: The One With The Cake

Lyrics: "Emma,
Your name poses a dilemna,
'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma.
Maybe the actor Richard Crenna
(he played the commanding officer in Rambo)
Happy Birthday Emma!"

34. The Woman Smelled Like Garbage

S.9 E.19: The One With Rachel's Dream

Lyrics: It wasn't just that she was fat,
the woman smelled like garbage.
Everyone!
It wasn't just that she was fat,
the woman smelled like garbage.

33. Monica

S.7 E.1: The One With Monica's Thunder

Lyrics: Twelve years old and addicted to pork,
No one thought Monica would marry.
She knew her way around a knife and a fork...

32. Ode to a Pubic Hair

S.6 E.3: The One With Ross's Denial

Lyrics: I found you in my bed!
How'd you wind up there?
You are a mystery,
Little black curly hair!
Little black curly hair!
Little black, little black,
Little black, little black,
Little black curly hair!

31. Colors

S.4 E.1: The One With The Jellyfish

Lyrics:...and fuchsia and mauve.
Those are the 66 colors of my bedroom.

30. Shower Song

S.2 E.6: The One With The Baby on the Bus

Lyrics: I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song
Stop me if you've heard it.
My skin is soapy, and my hair is wet,
and Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.
Lather, rinse, repeat
and lather, rinse, repeat
and lather, rinse, repeat
as needed.

29. Mother's Ashes

S.1 E.10: The One With The Monkey

Lyrics: My mother's ashes, even her eyelashes,
are resting in a little yellow jar.
And sometimes, when it's breezy,
I feel a little sneezy, and now I...

28. Trapped in a Hospital Closet

S.1 E.23: The One With The Birth

Lyrics: And they found their bodies the very next day,
they found their bodies the very next day,
la la la, la la la, la la la...

27. She Just Stayed and Stayed

S.7 E.1: The One With Monica's Thunder

Lyrics: We thought Phoebe would leave,
but she just stayed and stayed.
That's right, I'm here all night,
and Chandler will never get laid.

26. Argentina

S.9 E.19: The One With Rachel's Dream

Lyrics: And there's a country called Argentina,
It's a place I've never seen.
But I'm told for 50 pesos,
You can buy a human spleen,
Human spleen.

25. Heart Attacks

S.6 E.16: The One That Could've Been

Lyrics: It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see.
One of them won't do it, but the second one will set you free.
Tell all your hate and anger it's time to say good-bye,
And that is just what I will do, as soon as those bastards I work for die!
La lalala lalalalala la, lalala lalala la la...

24. Goats are Parading

S.4 E.5: The One With Joey's New Girlfriend

Lyrics: Parading, goats are parading;
parading down the street.
Parading, goats are parading;
leaving little treats.

23. Tiny Tarzan

S.4 E.7: The One Where Chandler Crosses the Line

Lyrics: Little tiny Tarzan,
swinging on an nose hair,
swinging with the greatest of ease...

22. Crazy Underwear

S.3 E.23: The One With Ross's Thing

Lyrics: Crazy underwear, creepin' up my butt.
Crazy underwear, always in a rut.
Crazy underwear....

21. Terry

S.2 E.6: The One With The Baby On The Bus

Lyrics: Terry's a jerk!
And he won't let me work!
And I hate Central Perk!
You're all invited to bite me!

20. Babies

S.1 E.23: The One With The Birth

Lyrics: They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch,
and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much.
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why,
and you cry and you cry and you cry.
And you cry and you cry and you cry and you cry...

19. No Power

S.1 E.7: The One With The Blackout

Lyrics: New York City has no power,
and the milk is getting sour.
But to me it is not scary,
'cause I stay away from dairy.
LA la, la LA la, LA la...

18. My Man

S.1 E.11: The One With Mrs. Bing

Lyrics: You don't have to be awake to be my man.
As long as you have brainwaves
I'll be there to hold your hand.
Though we just met the other day,
there's something I have got to say...

17. Snowman

S.1 E.10: The One With The Monkey

Lyrics: I made a man with eyes of coal
and a smile so bewitchin'.
How was I supposed to know
that my mom was dead in the kitchen?
La lalala laaa la lala La lalala la la...

16. Bisexuals

S.2 E.12: The One After The Superbowl

Lyrics: Sometimes men love women
Sometimes men love men,
And then there are bisexuals
Though some just say they're kidding themselves.
La lalala lalalalala la
La la lalala lala la la

15. The Cow in the Meadow

S.2 E.12: The One After The Superbowl

Lyrics: Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo,
Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo.
Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up,
And that's how we get hamburgers.
Now, chickens!

14. Chandler

S.7 E.1: The One With Monica's Thunder

Lyrics: First time I met Chandler
I thought he was gay,
But here I am singing
on his wedding day.

13. Whenever I get Married

S.7 E.1: The One With Monica's Thunder

Lyrics: Whenever I get married, guess who won't get to sing?Somebody named Geller and somebody else named Bing!

12. Fetus

S.4 E.12: The One With The Embryos

Lyrics: Are you in there little fetus?
In nine months will you come greet us?
I will... buy you some Adidas.

11. You Don't Wanna Do

S.2 E.12: The One After The Superbowl

Lyrics: There'll be times when you get older

When you'll want to sleep with people
Just to make them like you
But don't.
'Cause that's another thing
That you don't wanna do
Everybody!
That's another thing

That you don't wanna do.

10. Two of them Kissed Last Night

S.2 E.8: The One With The List

Lyrics: There was a girl, we'll call her Betty
And a guy, let's call him Neil
Now I can't stress this point too strongly...
This story isn't real.
Now our Neil must decide
Who will be the girl that he casts aside?
Will Betty be the one who he loves truly?
Or will it be the one who we'll call... Loolie?
He must decide, he must decide,
even though I made him up, he must decide!

9. Sticky Shoes ft. Leslie

S.3 E.14: The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner

Lyrics: My favorite shoes, so good to me, I wear them everyday.
Down at the heel, holes in the toes, don't care what people say.
My feet's best friends, pals to the end, with them I'm one hot chicky.
Though late one night, not much light,
I stepped in something icky.
Sticky shoes, sticky shoes, always make me smile.
Sticky shoes, sticky shoes, next time I'll avoid the pile.

8. A Few of My Favorite Things

S.1 E.1: The One Where Monica Gets A Roommate

Lyrics: Raindrops on roses
and rabbits and kittens
Bluebells and sleighbells
and something with mittens
la la la la la la something with string....

7. Papier-mâché Man

S.4 E.5: The One With Joey's New Girlfriend

Lyrics: I'm, I'm still waiting for my papier-mache' man.

6. Endless Love ft. Chandler Bing

S.3 E.8: The One With The Giant Poking Device

Lyrics: (Chandler) I’ll hold you close in my aaarms.
I can’t resist your charm. And loooove....
(Phoebe joins in) Looooove...
I’ll be a foool for youuuu. I’m sure, you know I don’t mind.
(Chandler) No you know I don’t mind.
(Chandler & Phoebe) And yes! You mean the world the world to meeee. Oooh...
(Chandler) I know.
(Phoebe) I know.
(Chandler) I’ve found.
(Phoebe) I've found...
(Chandler & Phoebe) in youuuu, my endless looov...
My endless looove....
looove....
love....
(Chandler) looove
(Phoebe) love
(Chandler) looove....

5. Jingle Bitch

S.3 E.14: The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner

4. Grandma

S.2 E.12: The One After The Superbowl

Lyrics: Now, Grandma's a person who everyone likes,
She bought you a train and a bright, shiny bike.
But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner,
And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner.
Now, your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru,
But the truth is she died and some day you will too.
Lalala Lalalala Lalalala Lalalala La La La La
Lalala Lalalala Lalalala Lalalala La La La La

3. Your Love

S.1 E.1: The One Where Monica Gets A Roommate

Lyrics: Love is sweet as summer showers
Love is a wondrous work of art
But your love, oh your love,
Your love is like a giant pigeon
Crapping on my heart.
La la la la la...

2. Holiday Song

S.4 E.10: The One With The Girl From Poughkeepsie

Lyrics: Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap
Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap
Said all you need is to write them a song
Now you haven't heard it yet so don't try to sing along
No don't sing along
Monica, Monica, have a happy Hanukkah
Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross
And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowwwwwy
And Rachel and Chandler, (mumbles something) handler!

1. Smelly Cat

S.2 E.17: The One Where Eddie Moves In

Lyrics: Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?

Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault.
Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault.
They won't take you to the vet.
You're obviously not their favorite pet.
Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault.
Oh no!
It may not be a bed of roses.
You're no friend to those with noses.
I promise you, before we're done
all the world will smell as one.
What are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault.
Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault.