You stand next to an empty casket. Spiritually empty that is. There is no life left in the cold body that lies there. Soon it will be a sealed box that is lowered into the ground and never to be seen again. A monument will be placed at the head of the grave as if it could do justice to the person you just lost. The cold marble monument will more than likely see repeat visitors within the next month or two. Eventually, they will fade off, loved ones will make occasional stops and come around the holidays to replace those fake ugly flowers with seasonal ones or decorative ones that symbolize an upcoming holiday. Not everyone chooses to have a funeral, or any sort of memorial service but at some point, we have all been witness to some sort of end of life ritual. It is supposed to symbolize closure. It's really a courtesy to the person who has passed. Although it is a courtesy to the family too in that moment of time, it is hard to be thankful when your world has turned upside down. Not only does it break your heart time and time again as each new person steps up with tears in their eyes but it is almost harder to swallow someone complimenting the deceased. You get to hear these acts of kindness, stories, and memories all of these people have to share. It only makes you think of what a great loss you, these people, and the world have just suffered.

Please do not mistake my opinion as me saying they are unappreciated. I am so appreciative of people who take time out of their day to pay homage to someone I loved. It is a true testament to the person who has passed on. It is heartwarming to know these people are here for you. Why do people come by to tell the family they are sorry, though? Sure, I understand you are sorry for my loss but oh my friend what about my loved ones gain? Their gain outweighs any grief or broken piece of my heart.

We all grieve differently. Some people lay their emotions out for everyone to see, on the other end some never even show their emotions and deal with them personally. Unfortunately, those who are reserved are often mistaken as hard, cold, or emotionless. How wrong these assumptions are, why do people assume someone's lack of outward display of inward emotions means they are not there? People often times think someone is in the wrong if they do different things or believe differently than them. It does not matter what way you grieve. Take note of the truth of death that I have come to see in life.

I find it hard to grieve for someone who has just entered into the gates of Heaven and is now walking the streets of gold.

An old American Indian story changed my perspective on the grieving process. The Indian's had lost a member of their tribe. Everyone was upset and devastated over the loss. The Indians did not cry though. They believed the deceased was heading to a beautiful afterlife just as many of us believe we will go to. They found crying to be selfish, they were only crying for themselves not the deceased.They did not sing sad songs or sit around quietly with looks of devastation. The Indians celebrated their new life. They sang and danced all night because one of their loved ones had reached a place far better than anyone they knew. How selfish we are in this day and time. We are crying for our loss, our pain, our emptiness, and our broken hearts. We are rarely crying for the deceased but instead for ourselves. As for me I will not be able to go the rest of my life without crying but when I am shattered and fall apart I always remind myself of this old tale and of all the other times God assures us death is a new life.

Thankfully everyone I am usually grieving over has a walk with God and where they spend eternity is not a question. So the next time you want to tell someone who has lost a loved one you are sorry, try a word of encouragement to dry their tears. If you are sure of the deceased's spiritual life remind them the souls destination was Heaven. How could you sympathize for a soul who has finally made it home? Back to everyone they have lost, to a place where the creator of the universe reigns and where they will be patiently awaiting your arrival at the gates one day. I find it so hard to sympathize for myself anymore when the end of one life here on earth was the beginning of a new life in Glory. It is the beginning of a new life that is far better than any we could imagine.