We have our differences. Some days, you drive me to near death. Others, give me the adrenaline I need to continue.
So, first, screw you.
I hate you. I hate the fact that I've had so many opportunities lost. Gotta finish that paper, gotta keep going. Gotta work until I cannot work anymore. I've fallen asleep during bouts of hysteria caused by school work. I've fallen asleep DURING school work, and I'm an insomniac. Something tells me that shouldn't happen. My body doesn't work like that. I am missing out on social events and opportunities with friends because I put so much myself.
Why do I put so much on myself?
Because of you! I worry about my future.
Second, you teamed up with your friend named Anxiety.
Every day you have me waking up on edge, my mind racing, making lists in my head of all the things I have to do, trying to plan my day, my actions, the way I stand, the way I talk, the eye contact I make, panicking that somehow I'll screw up something, everything, always bouncing around never feeling like I can sit still, having to move from one thing right on to the next in fear that if I let my mind wander, even for a second, I'll fall into a full-fledged panic attack. I feel like I can't face people because I'm not worthy of taking up the same space.
You caused the nights I can't sleep, so I try, I try so very hard to stay busy so I can push myself to exhaustion So I don't think. But Anxiety, if I let my mind wander for even a moment you pounce on it. You help my mind to critique me on my day and show me how minuscule can change the course of my whole life and how I royally screw up at every turn, and I can't turn it off. I can't turn off my thoughts no matter how irrational I know they may be, I cannot follow logic and it makes me even more upset and by then you seep back inside me, taking over my insides and you throw me into a panic attack.
I Hate You!
You constantly bring your friends around, and they linger with me, and I think they just may take up permanent residency as you have. Depression and perfectionism. The depression that tells me none of it is worth it. The perfectionism that says I'll never measure up.
I hate you Anxiety, yes with all of me I hate you.
Yes, because of you I am crying while typing this because I can't take it anymore.
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