Dear Past Self
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Dear Past Self,

I'm sorry for what I've put you through.

Dear Past Self,
Lindsay Messina

Dear Past Lindsay,

Let me just start off by saying: I'm sorry. I had no idea how good life could be. I had no idea that with time, every shitty experience that we've been through is turned into valuable life lessons. I did not believe everyone when they said that pain gets better with time. It does. There is a future to look forward to, and I am deeply sorry for denying you hope.

I am not going to promise you a magical future with sunshine, rainbows, and no pain. That is highly unrealistic. But I wish I could go back, shake you physically, and tell you how strong you are. You are going to get through this.

I am sorry for hurting you, physically and mentally. I realize now that I took my feelings out on you because I was not dealing correctly with thoughts that I had inside. I know you think the world is against you. I know you think you are alone.

You are not alone.

I am sorry for not taking care of you the way I should have. For using alcohol and pills as pain relievers instead of holding myself accountable for my actions.

I wish I could tell you that it is okay to confide in your friends and family. The day I admitted I was not okay and got help was the most important day of my life. It was a precedent for self-accountability and finding strength for myself with help from others. I wish I could tell you that we were wrong in thinking that asking for help is a sign of weakness.

I wish I could tell you that life is worth living. We are not only going to survive, but we are going to thrive. Life is so much more than just surviving day to day.

I am here to tell you that I am alive. I know you wholeheartedly believed that we would not make it past high school, but guess what: we did. I am here to tell you that you are so loved and cared for. The amount of people who would do anything for you is unbelievable. They are the ones that make life worth living. They are the ones that you live each day to make proud.

I promise to make our future the best it can be. There are going to be unbelievably hard days, but I am certain that we will get through it.


Your Present Self

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