Northeasterners, stop telling me I'm not cold

Dear Northeast Natives, Stop Telling Me I Shouldn't Be Cold Because I'm From Colorado

they're. different. types. of. cold.

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When I decided to attend school in the Northeast, I did my research. Fortunately for me, Maryland is one of the milder states in terms of weather in this tundra that you all call a region. HOWEVER, nothing could've prepared me for Northeast weather.

In my lovely, wonderful, perfect Colorado *adoring sigh*, the weather actually feels like 80 degrees when the temperature is 80 degrees out. It is sunny, yet not too hot; the air is fresh and crisp; there is hardly any wind; the universe is in alignment. So you can imagine my surprise when I walked out of my dorm on the first week of school, optimistically wearing a light t-shirt and shorts, only to be met by unpleasant humidity and undesirable wind. So I suffered through the humidity and wind only to learn that it does not, in fact, get better.

I can remember when my mom called me and told me that Denver had gotten its first snow. It was early October, and they got a light 2 inches of powder overnight. It was a beautiful sunny day although it had snowed all night. This naturally made me homesick, but I got myself really excited for what all of you Marylanders had been advertising as "real snow."

AND THEN... The first snow came.

I had been looking forward to this for so long that my sweet mom even sent me to snow toys to play with when it came. I jumped out of bed on the morning that I had been waiting for... only to be disappointed by what would be classified as "light frost" in Denver. All my local friends looked at me condescendingly and said "pretty crazy, right? We got all that in just one night." When I finally went outside, I realized that it was outlandishly cold. And THIS was when I learned the difference between humid cold and dry cold. In 30 degree weather in Colorado, jeans and a medium weight jacket would suffice. In 30 degree weather on the east coast, minimum 3 layers are required to survive the 10-minute walk to class, AND YOU CAN'T EVEN PLAY IN THE SNOW. In Colorado, the school would never be canceled for less than 8 inches of snow. In Maryland, school is canceled at the threat of snow. And then alllll the northeast natives look at the newcomers with an I-told-you-so look on their face and say "you cold?"

For my closing argument, I will just say in Denver, even with 8 inches and negative temperatures on Monday, it could be completely melted and 60 degrees on Tuesday. Marylanders like to complain about their "unpredictable" weather just because there will be a 12-degree difference throughout 48 hours.

All I'm trying to say is.... Y'all ain't seen nothing yet if you haven't experienced Colorado winter. It is a beautiful winter wonderland, and you'll never want to leave. (Mom and Dad if you see this, please consider this your bat signal to buy me a ticket home so I can ski)

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Dear 'Straight Pride,' Check Your Privilege: It's HOMO-Sapiens, Not HETERO-Sapiens

Don't be upset, you are more than welcome to enjoy your straight-ness, just as much as you have to tolerate our non-straight-ness.

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Disclaimer: This letter contains sarcasm and unfiltered honesty.

Pride month is one of the BEST MONTHS OUT THERE. Four weeks of rainbows, glitter, and good old fashioned love... except for Boston. Apparently, Boston is holding a Straight Pride Parade planned for August 31st to celebrate... well, I'm not quite sure what would be celebrated. Sexual confusion? A false sense of Christianity? The delicate structure that is "no homo?"

Honestly, I feel like its a huge waste of city funds. So, I figured I should highlight some important details about gay pride.

In June 1969, police raided the Stonewall Inn, a gay club in New York City on the basis that being gay wasn't OK. That's it. The raid caused a riot among LGBT+ patrons and neighbors as police brutally threw patrons and employees out of the club. This event was followed by six days of protests and violent clashes, lead by a group of Drag Queens, including Black American Drag Queens. This was the catalyst for the gay rights movement.

Since then, gay rights have made so much progression such as Same-Sex Marriage legalized in the US in 2015, to same-sex couples, and LGBTQ+ roles shown on television.

Dear Straight people,

The entire point of pride is to celebrate a group of people who are ostracized IN SOCIETY. People who have to FIGHT for the right to love, the right to be represented, and the right to be accepted by their friends, family, work colleagues, their place of worship and the rest of the world!

It's all well and good to want to celebrate yourself for your culture and traditions (google search: family holidays), or your own accomplishments during your life (google search: Applebee's). Celebrating sexuality is much more personal because it's still not accepted in most regions or religions of the world.

Don't be upset, you are more than welcome to enjoy your straight-ness, just as much as you have to tolerate our non-straight-ness. You don't have to believe in a same-sex marriage, the same way I don't believe that religion is your sole reason to ostracize, bully, torment and dehumanize a group of innocent people who don't conform. Gay, lesbian, transgender, asexual, bisexual, the victims of the pulse shooting, ALL THESE PEOPLE HAVE HEARTS, TOO.

If at the end of this article, you still care to make an argument, I'd like to ask you some questions.

Have you ever been fired because you are straight?

Have you ever been bullied, assaulted, attacked, or banned from using the bathroom because you are straight?

Has anyone from your family ever stopped talking to you or stopped loving you because of your sexuality?

Have you ever been afraid to be yourself?

Has your church (or any form of safety zone) ever told you that you would burn in hell based on your sexuality?

Let me know.

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You Know You're From Trumbull, CT When...

The best memories are made in this boring, little, Connecticut town.

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1. The majority of places you will consider to eat at are in Fairfield or Westport... Colony, Shake Shack, Country Cow, Playa Bowls, BarTaco

2. But if you find yourself too lazy to get on 95 for food, Panchero's is the go-to... never Chipotle. If it is past midnight, the choice always comes down to the McDonalds in Monroe, where you are almost guaranteed to see a group of people you know, or Merritt Canteen.

3. Once you got your license, your Friday night plans consisted of picking up friends, driving up and down Main Street, and, somehow, always finding yourself at the THS parking lot seeing who's car is there because there is nothing better to do.

4. In the Fall, you couldn't wait for Friday so that after school you and half of your grade could walk to Plasko's Farm for ice cream and apple cider donuts... and hope you could get them before the owners would yell at you to leave. (This one only applies to Hillcrest Middle School kids, AKA the inferior middle school in town).

5. You couldn't wait to be a senior so you could officially lead the BLACK HOLE at football games... if you were even willing to go in the cold.

6. You looked forward to the annual Senior Scav, the last week of summer before your senior year where a list of tasks is passed down by the recently graduated class... the official kickoff to senior year.

7. You pass by Country Club Rd. and get flashbacks from the worst Cross Country practices ever. Driving up Daniels Farm Rd. in the Fall and Spring, you are conditioned to yell "hi" out the window to your friends at practice.

8. You knew someone who worked at Gene's gas station... and found yourself spending more time there on the weekends than you would like to admit.

9. You are convinced Melon-heads are real after frequenting Velvet St. to see the abandoned insane asylum with your friends, IF you didn't want to drive all the way up to Fairfield Hills in Newtown.

10. You have had/have been to at least one middle school birthday party at the Trumbull Marriott.

11. You know that the 25mph speed limit on Whitney Ave. is way too slow... and can't help but hit a little air going down the huge hill at the top.

12. The guy at Towne likely knows your name.

13. You never find yourself turning right out of THS... that side of town is irrelevant for those who do not live there.

14. You know to avoid the Merrit Parkway from 4:00-7:00pm at all costs.

15. You know more than you would like to about people you aren't even friends with... in a town so small, things get around very quick.

16. Going shopping really means going to Target, or any store in the mall, for the millionth time that week.

17. The marching band was the best in the state and you would see them practicing, literally, every time you drove by THS.

19. Depending on the side of town you lived, you spent a lot of time at Five Pennies Park or Indian Ledge Park.

20. You would say you couldn't wait to leave, but when you got to college, you find yourself excited to come back to your hometown so you can reminisce on old traditions and make new memories.

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