Dear Me,
How are you doing? Are you doing okay? Eating enough, getting enough sunlight? Listen, I know that it is hard. I understand especially that, with the holidays and the break from school, not to mention crappy weather, you can feel yourself starting to slip.
I know it was easier to push those feelings of...loneliness and emptiness, out of the forefront of you mind when you were busy with school. I understand that it's starting to creep up on you and maybe you're panicking because, damn it, you were doing so well!
I just want to let you know, it's okay. You do not have to be 100% perky and happy, 100% of the time. You are allowed to feel down, cast out and forgotten but I want you to do something for me. When you start to feel this way, when you acknowledge that you've reached yet another low, be proactive. I'm not saying this is going to be your cure, but it might help.
Go out, be around people. Yes, I know you prefer to be alone but here's the thing, this is the time when you should not be at home by yourself, binging on Netflix and Mtn Dew. I know you too well, you need to walk among people, even if it's at Wal-Mart at three in the morning, and throw out a friendly smile. You need to go sit in the cafe of Barnes & Noble, surrounded by the smell of books and the warmth of their familiar words. You need to go to JoAnn Fabrics, walk among their bolts of bright patterns, let your fingers trail over them and think about future costumes you want to make.
It's not going to be easy, there are going to be days where you want nothing more than to stay under your blankets and sleep. I promise you though, it won't make you feel any better. So promise me something, okay? Promise me you'll fight. I know you're tired and that sometimes you want to lay down your weapons and let the emptiness swallow you but you have to promise me, if you do, you'll count to 10 and then pick yourself back up, and keep fighting.
You are a warrior. You are strength personified. Do not let your past, your hatred, your anger, your negativity drag you down. Always search for the light, for the things that make your heart swell in your chest. Fight for your happiness.
In the worlds of you're favorite Captain:
"If you can't run, you walk.
If you can't walk, you crawl and if you can't crawl, you find someone to carry you."
-Malcom Reynolds
Just remember this, as you push through. You'll be okay, you always have, you always will. Maybe not now, maybe not until school returns and spring pokes her sleepy head out, but you will be okay.
