Dear God,

Why did you make me the way I am? Don’t get me wrong. I love who I am. In fact, I think I'm pretty awesome, but sometimes, being me can be difficult.

Is there a reason for my seemingly unrelated quirks, the sometimes troublesome oddities that make up my personality? I wish I knew what they were for. Did you just put me together like a Mr. Potato Head, sprinkle in some of the special sauce, and send me out into the world to see what would happen with this Frankenstein-like creation of idiosyncrasies? Or do you have a plan for my life that I just can't see yet? Will all these confusing bits of me come together like the jigsaw puzzle I lost the cover picture for to finally let me know why I am who I am?

Why can I speak words better on a page than I can with my mouth? Think of the best words to say but be unable to get them out? Why do I love to be around people but not with them? Why does my body cry when my mind doesn't know what it feels?

Why can I love but don't know what love feels like? Why do I seek out company when I want to be alone? Why can't I hold a grudge even when I am hurt again and again? Why can't I miss those who leave my life?

I am too many contradictions. I get emotional when I can't process emotions. I am too rational, yet I can't make a logical argument when it matters. I try to make friends when I can't form lasting emotional connections (and sometimes, I don't want them even when I do). I want to do everything while wanting to do nothing at all. I want to find love, but I don't even know if I can give it.

What do you have in store for me?

How long do I have to wait? I will trust in you, but I can’t help but question myself.

Sincerely, your (unsure) daughter,

Jhinelle Walker