Dear God, I've Got Some Questions About Why You Did What You Did
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Dear God, I've Got Some Questions About Why You Did What You Did

Why did you make me the way I am?

Jhinelle Walker
Apr 03, 2018
The State University of New York at Stony Brook
145
Dear God, I've Got Some Questions About Why You Did What You Did
Unsplash

Dear God,

Why did you make me the way I am? Don’t get me wrong. I love who I am. In fact, I think I'm pretty awesome, but sometimes, being me can be difficult.

Is there a reason for my seemingly unrelated quirks, the sometimes troublesome oddities that make up my personality? I wish I knew what they were for. Did you just put me together like a Mr. Potato Head, sprinkle in some of the special sauce, and send me out into the world to see what would happen with this Frankenstein-like creation of idiosyncrasies? Or do you have a plan for my life that I just can't see yet? Will all these confusing bits of me come together like the jigsaw puzzle I lost the cover picture for to finally let me know why I am who I am?

Why can I speak words better on a page than I can with my mouth? Think of the best words to say but be unable to get them out? Why do I love to be around people but not with them? Why does my body cry when my mind doesn't know what it feels?

Why can I love but don't know what love feels like? Why do I seek out company when I want to be alone? Why can't I hold a grudge even when I am hurt again and again? Why can't I miss those who leave my life?

I am too many contradictions. I get emotional when I can't process emotions. I am too rational, yet I can't make a logical argument when it matters. I try to make friends when I can't form lasting emotional connections (and sometimes, I don't want them even when I do). I want to do everything while wanting to do nothing at all. I want to find love, but I don't even know if I can give it.

What do you have in store for me?

How long do I have to wait? I will trust in you, but I can’t help but question myself.

Sincerely, your (unsure) daughter,

Jhinelle Walker

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