Dear Depression,

You have an unfortunate place in my soul and that's something I find hard to ignore. There are days I forget about you, as you become quiet inside me. There are days where I wish you would just leave me alone. The ups and downs are the hardest part. I want consistency with you without becoming a medicated version of myself.

You have a way of making my worst relationships seem like they were a cakewalk compared to the way you make me feel. I've listened to your voice for years, listening to the hateful things you say about me. I believe those words sometimes, and those are the days I just want to hide. I can't ignore your words when you scream them at me. I can't cover them with positive affirmations because I won't believe them. I just need you to stop and think about how you make me feel about myself.

I miss the days before you became a part of me. I was happier, I never heard your hurtful words. I loved myself before you and I didn't feel so alone. You made me into a ghost of the girl I used to be. A ghost of my past, my happiness, my love for myself. You invaded my body with your toxicity. You created a negative space that I couldn't love. You changed me.

Depression, I want to be myself again. I want to be happy with who I am. I want to be able to look in the mirror and love the person I see. You have controlled me for far too long. I am taking control of my life, my brain and my happiness. You are no longer telling me that I'm worthless and that no one loves me. I am not worthless and a lot of people love me.

Depression, this is the last time I'll speak to you before you receive an eviction notice.

Sincerely,

The girl who wants to be happy without you