You have an unfortunate place in my soul and that's something I find hard to ignore. There are days I forget about you, as you become quiet inside me. There are days where I wish you would just leave me alone. The ups and downs are the hardest part. I want consistency with you without becoming a medicated version of myself.
You have a way of making my worst relationships seem like they were a cakewalk compared to the way you make me feel. I've listened to your voice for years, listening to the hateful things you say about me. I believe those words sometimes, and those are the days I just want to hide. I can't ignore your words when you scream them at me. I can't cover them with positive affirmations because I won't believe them. I just need you to stop and think about how you make me feel about myself.
I miss the days before you became a part of me. I was happier, I never heard your hurtful words. I loved myself before you and I didn't feel so alone. You made me into a ghost of the girl I used to be. A ghost of my past, my happiness, my love for myself. You invaded my body with your toxicity. You created a negative space that I couldn't love. You changed me.
Depression, I want to be myself again. I want to be happy with who I am. I want to be able to look in the mirror and love the person I see. You have controlled me for far too long. I am taking control of my life, my brain and my happiness. You are no longer telling me that I'm worthless and that no one loves me. I am not worthless and a lot of people love me.
Depression, this is the last time I'll speak to you before you receive an eviction notice.
The girl who wants to be happy without you