"I can do it. I can't do it. I can do it. Just breathe. I'll do fine. I'll be okay. There's no need to panic. Oh my god, I'm going to die!"
This has happened to all of us or will happen to someone at some point in their life. That is how I get through very stressful situations. That is exactly what is running through my head, two hours before or a week before an audition and it gets crazy. If someone even mentions the event, I will start sweating and panicking.
This moment was, what I consider, the biggest moment of my life, so far. This is what's going to tell me if I can pursue my choice of career. I had an audition for the School of Music at Kennesaw State and to say that I was nervous is an understatement. I would have breakdowns and headaches because I was stressing so much. I have prepared for a year for this, working my butt off. Every time I walked into my private lesson, I would have negative thoughts, but still do my best, after my teacher knocked some sense into me. I would work in class and at home and spend so much time just playing the same phrase over and over. It weighed a lot on me.
I think one of the good things that I had was the support of my family and some friends. I had begun to fall as the time came closer, which happens. You start worrying about the interviewers and judges sitting in front of you, judging your every move, every word, every action. It's natural to look at the worst of a situation. I like to think that it's part of a process when it comes to an interview, audition, play, etc. Eventually, hope and confidence replenish, so that we can do it.
On the last Wednesday before my audition for the School Of Music and interview for Music Education, I walk into my lesson, get my flute out and the first thing my teacher tells me is to get ready and bring everything outside. I had to perform for everyone waiting in the lobby as a mock performance to get me ready for the coming Saturday. I panicked and I wouldn't expect any less if it were someone else in my shoes. But, I was very thankful for that, because, in my lesson, I got to work on last minutes things. I walked out of that class prepared and ready to do many run-throughs of my pieces as practice.
I did nothing on Thursday and Friday; absolutely nothing. I didn't touch my flute, look at my music, or play in class. It was like I was running overtime. I was so scared for Saturday and I thought it was perfectly okay. Weird right? If I had an interview and audition in two days, why didn't I prepare? It's because I needed to take a break. It's not as bad as it sounds. I actually think it's good advice. In order to be functional on my big day, I didn't do anything related to music. If you stress so much for a long time and have prepared for so long, it's okay to take a break the day before. Think of it as a relaxation period. You have done as much as you can, to the best of your abilities. You're welcome to practice or continue prepping, but in my opinion, it won't do any good. For example, if I practiced on Thursday and Friday, and I'm fine, then that's great, but if I kept making little mistakes, I would be stressing myself out more, which won't help me mentally. So, I would recommend taking a step back and, in a way, process everything.
On my audition date, my nerves were fried, but I all I had to do was take deep breaths. I warmed-up and practiced a bit, but that's nothing compared to the real audition. What helped a lot was something my flute instructor told me. Take three deep breaths. On the first, relax your body. On the second, feel the air move throughout your body. On the third, imagine yourself playing the first few bars or talking in a relaxed manner.
My audition went well enough and my interview went a lot better. I felt good when I walked out of the building. The next part was playing the waiting game and I will bet all my money that no one likes this part. At all. I was told that results were to come out in a week, so it would Spring Break for me. Turns out, I didn't need to wait for long. My results came out on the following Tuesday.
I like to think that we all have different routines that we follow when it comes to a big day, like an interview or audition. I would say to relax and not worry so much, even though we will anyway. It's a natural reaction, but if you want to, don't stress too much on the few days before the big day. You've done what you can to prepare, so don't stress yourself out and hope for the best. During the waiting game, all you can do is hope, because you can't control what happens now, so don't stress yourself. I had to remind myself countless times. Worry all you want before the big day, but after, have hope that things will work out.
