Have you ever read a Bible verse, and though you know you must have seen it many times before, right now it strikes deeply into your heart? It's a new insight that transforms you because of the Holy Spirit's constant inspiration and purification within you. He wants you to keep experiencing His Word and learning something new every time, even if it is just one word.
Affliction. Suffering. Pain.
Whatever you want to call it, we all deal with it. We grapple with how it can relate to our faith in God and our fervent prayers, and sometimes we are met with silence. Other times we are left with just a few of His precious words to cling to for dear life.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. Psalm 139:11-12
My circumstances feel dark, confusing, frustrating. But in no way am I farther from God than when His presence seemed near. He meets us in the darkness to create light. Light wouldn't be so precious if dark didn't threaten to extinguish it. My pastor once said, "In the darkness, God's light shines the brightest." In the times that hurt the most, His comfort and loving-kindness penetrate the most powerfully.
What if God allowed the darkness to bring me good, to draw me deeper into Him? What if I discover how He is trying to shape me here and now rather than search for the light switch? Yes, that's what I want. I want to seek His face more than the solutions, the Giver more than the gift, as my friend always reminds me in the most timely moments.
But I don't have to feel guilty for asking for a change in circumstances. When He brings His light toward me, His loving heart is illuminated, and I learn better to trust.
Is it possible that someday I'd be able to see pain as an opportunity to grow and mature? Not that I would seek pain out, but that I wouldn't avoid it at all costs. Pain won't kill me. Why do I fear it so? My God won't abandon me. The dark is not a problem for Him. Maybe these words that jumped off the page into my heart will be true of me someday:
Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word. You are good, and what you do is good.... It was good for me to be afflicted. Psalm 119:67-68, 71
Such powerful words! In my pain, I don't want to be afraid to cry out and be honest. But I don't want to be consumed in self-pity and despair either. I wish the balance were easier. But I have the rest of my life to work it out. For now, my soul clings to the words: "Darkness is as light to you."
