No matter where you turn, the world is divided: Democrat vs. Republican. Kanye vs. Drake. Friends vs. Seinfeld. Thin Crust vs. Deep Dish. Chipotle vs. Healthy Rectal Function.
One thing, though, is for certain: no one could dare dispute that dogs are the best four-legged, domesticated animal. It just isn't conceivable. Until the point where we can domesticate elephants or create a spider with four legs, that is a crown that sits firmly atop the canine's brow.
Look, I'm not hungry right now. I just ate, and I have a big date tonight. Plus, I can't really have solids after my surgery. My stomach hurts a bit, and I don't usually have breakfast most mornings anyway. That being said, sometimes you stumble across one of humanity's favorite furry friends that is so impossibly cute you simply can't help yourself from saying, "Gosh! I'm not hungry but thank you."
Sometimes, you stumble across five of them.
For example, you in this very moment.
1. Are you kidding me with this succulent Schnauzer?
Behold the golden hour! Whether you're taking advantage of the sun's waning energy to snag a few Insta-worthy selfies or dragging your dog to the park for an equally contrived photoshoot, there's no better way to celebrate the birth of dusk than with the flash of a shutter. Just look at this delectable cutie! Based on the time, I'm sure his owner just enjoyed a hearty dinner. He probably isn't hungry at the moment - but doesn't take away from how great this cutie-patootie looks prancing around the park.
2. Oh gosh, I can almost taste this Terrier.
What'd you say, Lassie? Down by the creek? Just a few minutes ago? Are you sure? No thanks - not hungry!
The caring canine has the innocent gaze of a newborn baby, the velvety ears of a wild rabbit, the gentle whiskers of a timid mouse, and the furry coat of a newborn baby. Sound like I'm reading the recipe for stew? You, my friend, must be hungrier than I am!
3. Now that's a spicy Shiba Inu!
The Shiba Inu, which I ought to mention is being shown to you at the same time that I'm not hungry, is somewhat of a celebrity. Its curious smile and golden fur have made it fodder for the 'doge' meme that you are hopefully not familiar with. What many people don't know, though, is that this particular Shiba Inu is even more of a celebrity.
Bark Walhberg, as his closest colleagues called him, was the first animal shot into space. Popular media outlets will have you believe that the first animal to enter the stratosphere was actually a monkey in 1948. Fake news, my friend. Another sign of the overwhelming bias against early 20th century, canon-based scientific research.
4. I'm head over heels for this delicious Dane.
Now that's a tummy rumbler! There's nothing quite like the cautious love of a puppy - affection carefully won from a creature who knows nothing but the confusion of a world created without her in mind, an innocent soul weaned from her anxiety through the sheer force of kindness. In a world unknown and unknowable, her guarded steps are met with the unconditional love that, sometimes, we can only muster for someone that we know needs it, desperately, because it isn't a kindness to them - it is a home. Whew, I'm getting a little... no, no.
5. This yummy Yorkie has me freaking.
Enough already! I said I wasn't hungry and I meant it. First, you [I] shove a barrage of cute dogs in my face and then you have the unmitigated gall to finish it off with this child ripped straight from the pages of an L.L. Bean fall collection! I'm not saying that I haven't eaten recently, believe me that. There's no silverware in my pockets (don't check). I'm definitely not saying that I'm hungry - that's something we can all agree on. You're pushing it, though, buddy.
Don't eat dogs.
Or fashionably dressed children, please.
