I’ve hated summer for a long time. I hate that the bugs come back! I hate that it’s humid and that I’m always slightly sticky. But I mostly hate how in order to combat the heat I have to wear less clothing.

My relationship with my body has always been a little bittersweet. I’m kind of chubby and this made me feel like summertime was not meant for me if that meant showing my body. It’s not that I hated my body, I didn’t necessarily love it all of the time, but I didn’t hate it. I was more uncomfortable than anything.

I am often stuck in between the larger sizes of the regular clothes and the smaller sizes in plus size clothes.

I have these awkward memories in my pre-teen years of borrowing swimwear from my stepmom when an impromptu pool outing would take place. It was really embarrassing to have to borrow adult clothing because I couldn’t fit into my stepsister’s swimsuits, who was my age. Also, it’s become a tradition to take a beach trip in the summer with my family and part of me dreaded this. I sunburn really easily, I told myself, to justify why I should be covering up.

Besides, the style of swimsuits for young girls made me so uncomfortable. I wouldn’t call my taste particularly modest, but compared to the popular swimsuit options at stores, it must be. It’s just so conflicting to be told by society that the cellulite on my thighs needs to be covered up one minute and then see that my only swimwear options are super revealing the next.

It never seemed fair, it still doesn’t, but I’m learning to love my body anyway.

I’m done hiding behind tankinis and skirt bottoms.

There’s nothing wrong with either of these, and if anyone feels more comfortable in these then obviously go for it, but I have my qualms about them. As a curvy girl, I feel tankinis, shorts or skirt bottoms were my only socially acceptable option. I have come to realize that although my taste might be more conservative than others my age, I was not limited to options that I felt were for people older than me just because of my size and body shape.

For example, I do not like bathing suit tops that are basically bras. Why am I pushing up my breasts, I’m just trying to comfortably swim here! I’m more concerned with the practicality of swimwear than the looks. If a top has any strings to tie up, it’s probably a no for me.

See also: Summer Is Not A Reason To Hurt Yourself, That 'Bikini Body' Isn't Worth It

Last year I did some research as to what styles I would actually like and that might flatter my body. As far as online shopping for bathing suits goes, I really liked Cupshe. I had to choose a larger size based on the measurement chart, but that’s fine. I think high waisted bottoms are a win for most body types. I also appreciate mesh and cutouts because they add an element of sexy to an otherwise normal swimsuit.

It wasn’t until college that I really embraced body positivity. I finally started to look in the mirror and force myself to love the way I look. I purposely noticed the curves and my chubby stomach. I made myself realize that my body does so much for me, I should appreciate it. (This is obviously an oversimplified version of my body positive journey.)

Now, I’m starting to see more images of people who look like me in swimsuits. Maybe they were there all along, but I just couldn’t see them. My Instagram feed is filled with body positive women, and that’s the only way I would have it.

How to get a beach bod:

1. Have a body

2. Go to the beach

To anyone out there that who is uncomfortable with their body and being in a swimsuit: You deserve to soak up the sun and enjoy your summer! Your body is already good enough the way it is. You might be losing precious memories you could be making by holding yourself back. Beauty is not limited to one type of body.