“Hey, Mercedes!” seems to be a common greeting for me. Hello interweb, my name is Mary Freda and I am indeed an identical twin. Ever since I was a kid, teachers, friends and acquaintances alike have confused me for my twin Mercedes.
Believe it or not, I do get asked frequently “Do you like having a twin?” And while most of the time I roll my eyes and scoff “No.” This is not the case, I do enjoy having a twin 90 percent of the time. Mostly because you are born with a best friend who is required to stay your best friend due to the unspoken rules of the twin cult.
That other 10 percent is frustration. While it is nice to be born with a best friend, it is not nice to be confused for someone else ALL the time. And I get it, I completely understand why and I am in no way offended, but everything has its downside and this is a major one.
When you’re a kid, you grow up finding your place in this world. Typically you start with school because that is the main social environment you are exposed to. I’ve spent what seems like my entire life trying to distinguish myself from someone else and it is exhausting. You have to call “dibs” on an activity, so the other cannot outshine you. And you mustn’t share a similar taste in style because that is confusing to your peers. Also do not even think about having the same hair style, unless you want complete strangers waving to you. These are few of the many unspoken rules I’ve lived my life by since, well, forever.
But one thing I have found through this experience is my own identity. For a while, I devoted hours to forcing myself to fit into Mercedes’ mold. Everyone liked her, she was smart and she sat at the cool lunch table. My childhood was filled with envy and I regret not being myself sooner.
When high school rolled around, I ditched my Mercedes-esque outfits and starting shopping for clothing I actually liked. I ditched the heavy makeup for something more up to my speed. I began to get involved into activities I liked, for me. I began to make friends that had no idea I had a twin. I began creating a life outside of being a twin and it felt amazing. I was no longer Mercedes’ sister, I was Mary.
Author Doug Cooper once said, “Identity cannot be found or fabricated but emerges from within when one has the courage to let go.” I have not let go of my twin, but I have let go of the stigma surrounding twins. You do not have to be the same person. You do not have to share similar interests. You do not have to become a carbon copy of them. You do, however, have to become yourself – and that is what I did; I became Mary.
