Every semester around this time I start to believe I am not living up to the standards placed on me. Maybe it’s the scores I receive on my final exams, the stress acne, or the overeating (yes CC’s I am pointing at you for the vanilla lattes). No matter the case, it’s like a war zone going on in my head between God’s grace and Satan, and I feel like I am failing. Can you relate to this? You are not alone my friend.

I fail.

I fail daily.

If the pass or fail grade was given to me on my attempt at loving Jesus wholeheartedly, I’d fail.

I am by no means perfect. I forget deodorant. I run late 99.9% of the time. I yell at cars in traffic. I sometimes completely bomb a test. I am rude to the people that mean the most to me. Trust me, I am not perfect. I am flawed and forgetful, but I am HIS. He never asked me to be “perfect” but He did ask that I love Him wholeheartedly.

I’ve been a Christian for my whole life. Baptized twice. Sent to church camp practically every summer. I’ve spent many-a-nights with my bible and highlighter studying what I am “supposed to be.” I felt like I was constantly sitting and criticizing my life. I think we all go through those moments of feeling insufficient and mentally weak. As I’ve turned twenty and fallen more upon this hard definition of “life” and “what I am supposed to be doing,” I always just see myself failing. At twenty years old, I can tell you these things: I suffer from severe anxiety and I have an autoimmune disease. Two things that define me on my medical papers, I struggle with letting define me on a daily basis.

Then one day I heard God screaming out to me…"YOU are SOOO loved.”

God hits me smack in the face with the amount of love He has for me. He comes crashing into my little bedroom where I am sitting on the floor studying that chapter of Psychology that I can not understand, and He interrupts me. He stops my busy and hectic life, and He gives me LOVE. Unconditional, never wavering love. He’ll sit beside me in that doctor’s office while I wait for more bad news or some new diagnoses, and He’ll love me. He'll be there when I get a bad test grade, or when I let my road rage get the best of me... He still showers me with love, daily.

He doesn’t judge me when I have mental breakdowns because life just seems too hard for me sometimes. He doesn’t get mad at me for not understanding why He has laid these plans out for my life. He just loves me.

I’m a young adult that is struggling to find her next step in life, and no matter how many steps I have to take to get there... He is watching over me. Remember, He is watching over you too.

I am forgiven for all my sins. I am adored. God gave his one and only son, and that Son paid the price for me to live this life. I am special. I am unique. He created me. I am HIS. I am His regardless of an illness, a bad test grade, or those mean girls. I am His when I am sad, frustrated, or too happy to remember why I am happy in the first place. I am His during finals week when I am feeling beat down and exhausted. When my heart is weary though, He has never given up on me.

So what I’ve learned in my 20s is…

Life isn’t all it was made out to be when we were younger. We each are going to struggle with our own battles, our own flaws, but the important part is to rely on someone who is bigger than it all, Jesus. Friends, listen... college is hard. No, let me rephrase that, college is very hard. If you are struggling with finals week, family issues, or even health issues... Take a deep breath for a second. This is life. Nobody said it would be easy and they certainly did not say it’d be “perfect.”

So, next time you are feeling overwhelmed I want you to think of things in a different way. Grades are simply just grades. Friends that once mattered in high school don’t matter as much now. Car concerts are a must. Laying on the floor with your dog is fun and relaxing. Family is always there for you, cherish them. Pushing off homework and watching the new "Grey’s Anatomy" on Thursday nights is okay. Cane's is always the answer, especially with a large sweet tea. However, the most important thing?

That despite my terrible attempts at loving God, He goes to great lengths to show me His love. He loves me and that’s all that matters.

Yes, you heard me right...ALL THAT MATTERS.

I guess what I am trying to say is nothing defines me and nothing defines you.

Yes sometimes we fail, but that is only human.

Yes, there are days when my anxiety is out of control.

Yes, there are days when we just want to hide under the covers for hours.

But please, hear me when I say: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. God is right here holding your hand or staring down and leading you when you are struggling. It took me a very long time to realize that absolutely none of us are perfect. So, stop trying to be! Instead, focus on building a stronger “you.” My advice, if all else fails... turn up some music and worship a God that forgives. While you feel like you may be failing, His plans for us are greater than anything you or I can imagine. I am loved.

And so are you. So grab that coffee, and go conquer the day!