Being a content creator for The Odyssey Online is a hard thing. It’s difficult to think about new things to sit down and write about every week. I’ve been staring at this blank piece of paper on my screen for entirely too long, trying to think about something to write about, trying to put quality content out to the public. I’ve tried to think about what cool thing I might have done this week, and when I come up with nothing, I’ve tried to think about cool things to write about and get information from Google to back me up. It gets super hard at times.

But I still take pride in calling myself a writer. It is so fascinating to write something captivating and have people relate to it and understand the exact feeling you were trying to convey. The way the words flow onto the page like blood flows through the body is extraordinary. However, there are some things that are painful/therapeutic to write about. Emotions. And there is one emotion that almost no one writes about: frustration.

When I am in dire need of an idea for an article, everyone tells me to write about something I feel passionate about. But when you’ve exhausted all those things, written until your hand falls off about the endless ways that marching band changed your life or how Twenty One Pilots is the best band in the world, everything that you are passionate about seems kind of redundant. Don’t get me wrong, writing about things you care about extensively is the best way to write. But it doesn’t always come out the way you’d like; most of the time people don’t care about the same things you do.

Which means that even if you were to absolutely pour your heart out onto the blank slate in front of you, sadly, barely anyone will read it. Most of the time, it’s simply because your interests don’t coincide with your audience’s interests. Regardless, it takes away a sort of right of the writer: the right to share feelings through the form of writing.

What I mean by that is the people who are stumbling upon your articles when you post them are looking for something related to the general population. If your article isn’t about politics at election time, then no one will read it. If your article isn’t about Vine dying, then no one will read it. If you don’t write about the Supreme Court ruling of the transgender case, then no one will read it. Basically, you cover things that are trending or your articles don’t get views, taking away all creative aspects of writing. That is, if you want to be a well-established writer, you can’t write about things that you are passionate about, or hate, or even get frustrated about. Those pieces will be deemed irrelevant.

Lately, my writing has been slipping a lot. I can’t tell if it’s from the overall stress that college is giving me or the crippling anxiety that life, in general, is giving me, but something is deeply affecting my writing. Even my academic writing has slipped a little. My friends say I’m in a rut, but I honestly don’t know how to get out of it. They say it’ll go away on its own, and soon, but it’s terrifying when you lose your voice, can’t get it back, and are worried about losing it forever.

What if I never write another article that actually interests me? What if I’m never happy with the things that are unleashed onto the keyboard? How can I put my name on something I’m not happy with? The most frustrating part of writing is the self-doubt.

I’m starting to think that the frustration won’t ever go away.