To Every Guy Trying To Grind On Us At The Bar, Consent Applies When Dancing, Too
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To Every Guy Trying To Grind On Us At The Bar, Consent Applies When Dancing, Too

Please don't touch me if I don't know you.

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To Every Guy Trying To Grind On Us At The Bar, Consent Applies When Dancing, Too
Kylie Brofman

On Saturday night I was out with a good friend going to the bars. A few guys asked if they could "join us" or "dance with us" but more times than not I found a guy grinding on me when all I was doing was dancing with my friend.

I don't understand why they thought that was ok. Did you ask my permission? NO. Did you know me? NO. Why would you think that I wanted you to grind on me? You came up behind me when I was just trying to have a good night with my friend. You didn't say a word to me. All I felt was your body. It was kind of scary.

That has never happened to me before and in one night it happened at least 10 times. I kind of didn't know what to do, so I would just dance away from the guy. If I saw the same thing happen to my friend, I moved her away from them.

There were a few times when the guy was dancing behind me and grabbing my waist. I felt weak. I felt scared. I felt like I couldn't move. Thank god my friend saw my face and pulled me away.

But why did he touch me? Why did he think ANY of that was ok?

For someone who has experienced sexual assault, this happening is a HUGE trigger. I don't feel safe DANCING. I have guys thinking they can do whatever they want with me because I'm smaller and a woman. If you would have asked, like some men did I would have said: "no thank you". But from the time you came behind me until the time when you grabbed my waist I wasn't able to turn around. I FROZE. I was afraid. Just like the night when I was raped. It reminds me of that.

Why can't I just have a good night out without men ruining it? When I go out with my boyfriend OR ANY OTHER GUY FRIENDS this doesn't happen to me. So why when I'm out with just my girl friend it does?

Last week I was out with two of my friends and a guy kept going behind my one friend and dancing with her. She's a shy little thing so instead of saying anything she just let it happen. So I went up to the guy and basically told him to get the fuck away from her. Instead of obliging he started yelling at me asking me what's wrong with dancing with her? What's wrong is you didn't know her. What's wrong is your body was up against her ass without asking. What's wrong is girls can't have a fun night out without getting into an argument about this shit.

Instead of thinking you're entitled to dance with me, ASK FIRST.

Before grinding up against that girl you don't know, think twice. Say hi first.

When you see ANYONE dancing, you don't have a right to go up behind them without knowing who they are. You don't have a right to touch ANYONE unless they allow you to.

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