my self doubt creeps out
suspicion of ambition
at the age of twenty-three
I should be so much more than me
a yearning to be defined
as success in anothers mind
in hopes other people's approval
will cleanse and begin the removal
of degrading thoughts that flourish and dance
I let them roam and give them another chance
taunting me of who what where I should be
and why it'll never be within my reach
I am subpar, amateur and utterly unworthy
a familiar ritual, embracing toxic speech
after feeding my mind this bitter debris
I still expect myself to remain care-free
while suspended in shackles to the depths of my uncertainty
yet it is my clenched fist that holds the key
and still refuses to unleash all that is me
thoughts like these can feel safe and comfy
still I challenge this reasoning at any hour
in a sympathetic, patient and personal way
I meditate my thoughts, I hold the power
unboxing confidence that is here to stay
lighting the fire that melts my shackles of doubt
challenging what the appeal of this ride is about
learning to let thoughts flow as my worth arises
praising in gratitude for thought’s surprises
~~
As the rain hysterically cries I don't resist and
Join in as I lay in my bed of lies
A support system to everyone but myself
Doubting my abilities like it’s good for my health
Who do you think you are? You're unworthy of that
Don't you dare follow your petty little dreams
These passion are less important than scrolling through
This group chat
The universe works for everyone but you
Nothing is as it seems
Just like Mother Earth when she's had a good pity cry
She forgives herself and surrenders to let her tears dry
From her soil green stems flourish and oversupply
Once a place she came to self loathe, a harsh barren field
Then realizing the insecurities she had to yield
Is now a lush garden of inner beauty that can not be concealed
Sheetal Tadiparty
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