This, is the week that Haley, my fur daughter, was due in Raleigh, North Carolina for her Bone Marrow Transplant. Of course, this didn't happen without me having to spend, hours at work, which my kiddo insisted that I not do and spend the days at home with him.
He makes me laugh every time the conversation comes up. "Mom, do you have to go to work?" Brennan will say. "Yes, sweetie, mom has to work." I will reply. "No! Stay home with me. Daddy can go to work."
My fiance works from home and does so when I'm working, when he isn't chasing after Brennan for something, of course.
So, this week. Monday was a full day of work and Tuesday I only worked a half-day. In the midst of all of that in my mind, I quit my job a million or more times, but this occurs almost daily. It's part of my inner monologue that continuously runs in the background of my ever racing mind.
Tuesday after work ended for me; I went home to pack the rest of the items needed for our journey to North Carolina. I AM an over-packer! I don't care if I'm leaving for two days or three weeks; I always have to bring just about my entire house. Even if I don't need ALL the items, I bring.
We spent Tuesday until about 2 am on Wednesday on the road. We stopped for the night in Maryland and then picked up again the next morning and arrived in Raleigh, North Carolina, around 7 pm. The trip overall wasn't bad, but it was exhausting. I still haven't slept more than 6 1/2 hours in a night only because there has been a lot to do every day and of course, being a mom, that means that I'm up early.
Even when we aren't working, as mothers, we still have to work. I love the DayQuil commercial of the mom going into the baby's room and saying that she needs to take a sick day. We all know that as moms, this doesn't happen. Even as tired and rundown as I get, I still roll out of bed, sling back a coffee and hit the day full on, whether that's sitting in my cube at work or taking the mom job full on.
Every day until Monday, Haley has to be taken to NCSU (North Carolina State University) to get Nepigen injections to raise her white blood cell count so they can harvest her stem cells. This requires me getting out of bed at 7:30 AM and dragging my sleepy ass to the pet hospital there. Thank God it's only 5 minutes away!
I am a mom to the four-legged and the two-legged, and it requires MANY sacrifices. Including my precious sleep, this is my worst nightmare come true. I never in a million years thought that I would give up my sleep to make someone else happy. But I do, almost daily. I can't remember the last time I got to sleep as late as I wanted.
My Confessions for this week:
I wanted to quit my job and just stay at home with the family.
I didn't want to make this drive because I knew it would be exhausting, and no matter how hard I try, I will never catch up on my sleep.
I had many bad thoughts this morning when my son woke me up from a much-needed snooze after coming back from the pet hospital.
I have thought to be selfish and do things for my own self-interest, but being a mom to my kids, I just can't do it because the mom guilt gets to me.
This trip may be a mini-vacation for the family and me from work, but taking a trip is always a lot of work. With the packing and unpacking and moving from one hotel to another and then to the Airbnb. This week has felt like multiple weeks rolled into one, and I'm ready for a break. I'm gonna need a vacation after this trip!
Stay strong moms! We are human just like everyone else, and doing the mom thing takes every ounce of energy we possess to keep ourselves sain and under control. We do the best we can with humanness, but if you're like me, you wish you could channel Wonder Woman and have her powers to succeed in the mom world.
