I've Come Out 3 Times Already Over The Last 7 Years, But This Time Is The LAST Time
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Politics and Activism

I've Come Out 3 Times Already Over The Last 7 Years, But This Is The LAST Time

"Here we go!" -Lady Gaga

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I've Come Out 3 Times Already Over The Last 7 Years, But This Is The LAST Time

I was born on April 3, 1999 to a wonderful mother who has always supported me and gotten me through everything. At 13, I came out as bisexual because I was too afraid to come out as gay, she supported me then. At 15, I came out as gay and we had issues, we didn't talk about it for two years. When I turned 17, we got into a massive fight that resulted in me "coming out" again and her finally being okay with me being gay.

Well, here we are now. I've known for almost 20 years that I wasn't bisexual or a lesbian. I've known since I was four years old and shopped in the boys section and cried when I had to wear dresses to church that I wasn't a lesbian. The day after Thanksgiving of this past year I came out to my mom for the last time.

I told my mom that I am transgender. I've been living my life in hiding for as long as I can remember. Hell, ever since I came out to my mom I've been hiding from everyone on my social media. I'm tired of hiding. I can't hide anymore. Why? I'm going to be starting HRT (hormone replacement therapy) soon.

My life has been insane since I came out as trans. I've changed my name socially, changed my pronouns, decided to start HRT, and I've done so many things as a man for the first time instead of a woman. My name is Casper Landyn Barbour. I decided to keep my initials the same and I wanted a name that I could still be called Cas, because my mom gave me my birth name and she calls me Cas and I wanted her to still have that part of me. I now use he/him/his pronouns-and damn that feels so good to hear.

My next step is to start HRT. I've been in vocal training through my university to help deepen my voice for a few months now until I can start HRT. Once I start HRT, I won't be able to hide my transition once I start hormones because I will grow facial hair and my voice will deepen. Other changes will happen too, but they won't be as noticeable.

I'm ready to live this part of my life. It feels so amazing to finally be out and be who I really am. I know that my life from here on out is going to be full of ups and downs but I'm more than ready for it. It's taken me almost 20 years to get to the point of even writing this, and now that I have I feel more alive than ever. I can't wait to show the world the man that I'm going to become.

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