What Not To Say To Someone Who Just Lost A Loved One
Start writing a post
Student Life

What Not To Say To Someone Who Just Lost A Loved One

"I know how you feel."

What Not To Say To Someone Who Just Lost A Loved One
atoach / Flickr

Whether it's at a funeral or wake or just consoling someone during their grief, everyone feels the need to say something to make the situation better. But unfortunately, there is nothing anyone can do to make it better. Instead, we must be there for those who have lost someone, and make sure to avoid saying these things.

1. At least he/she lived a long life

No amount of time is ever enough with someone so dear. Something like this feels like excusing the passing and making it sound like it's okay. Despite grandparents sometimes being elderly at the time of their death, it doesn't make the grief any less intense.

2. Everything happens for a reason

I believe this with everything in me. But sometimes, it's impossible to see a reason, especially right away. And just because I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, it doesn't mean other people are and it doesn't make it right to say especially so soon after a death. Let the person come to realizations and understandings on their own. It may take months or years, but do not try to convince them this death happened for whatever reason.

3. I know how you feel

No. no no no. I don't care if you went through the same exact situation, you do not know how anyone else feels. You've been in their shoes in terms of the loss, but you have no idea how another person is dealing with a loss.

4. It's been over a year, you need to move on

No one gets to put a time stamp on how long recovery takes. For some, the grief period is shorter than others. Others might take years to cope with a death especially when it's someone so close. Never make someone feel like their should be over it.

5. At least he/she didn't suffer

No matter the situation, there is no way of knowing if the person was in any pain. People might also choose to keep that information inside rather than share if the person lost suffered at all.

6. You look like you're handling this well

Crying in front of people 24/7 gets old really fast. Every now and again people will try to hold it in to get through some conversation or they will wait until they are in private to let those feelings out. By telling someone how great they look given the situation, you're encouraging them to not let those feelings out.

7. It was his/her time to go

That's all well and good, but maybe they were still needed here. Just because it was his/her time doesn't mean the family and friends left behind are not entitled to grieve and miss that presence.

8. Stay strong

Once again, this encourages the facade with no tears and fake smiles. Let people cry. Let them show emotion. Let people grieve the losses that have hurt them. There is no time limit on grieving so please do not create one yourself.

Instead of these, remind people that you are here for them. Be with them without saying anything. Let them vent and scream and cry and just hold them. Sometimes silence speaks the loudest. Give hugs. Offer whatever you can. Relive a favorite memory or tell the loved one left behind a story they might not know. Tell them you just don't have the words but you will always be a phone call or text away. Always be ready to listen.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less
New Year Resolutions

It's 2024! You drank champagne, you wore funny glasses, and you watched the ball drop as you sang the night away with your best friends and family. What comes next you may ask? Sadly you will have to return to the real world full of work and school and paying bills. "Ah! But I have my New Year's Resolutions!"- you may say. But most of them are 100% complete cliches that you won't hold on to. Here is a list of those things you hear all around the world.

Keep Reading...Show less

The Ultimate Birthday: Unveiling the Perfect Day to Celebrate!

Let's be real, the day your birthday falls on could really make or break it.

​different color birthday candles on a cake
Blacksburg Children's Museum

You heard it here first: birthdays in college are some of the best days of your four years. For one day annually, you get to forget about your identity as a stressed, broke, and overworked student, and take the time to celebrate. You can throw your responsibilities for a day, use your one skip in that class you hate, receive kind cards and gifts from loved ones and just enjoy yourself.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments