The Comedic Evolution Of Your Eyebrows

The Comedic Evolution Of Your Eyebrows

From the wispy 2000s to the KitKat 2010s, you might relate.
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My philosophy: I’m not mad. It’s just my eyebrows. They may dip into the center of my face looking like symmetrical silhouettes of the steepest roller coaster dip at Six Flags, but they're proof of my improvement in brow shaping.

Truth is, I’m no makeup expert, but I’ve screwed up my hairy arches long ago enough to comfortably laugh at myself, which brings me to my other philosophy:

Rushing to reach perfection is a waste of time. The more you make mistakes, the more stories you'll have to tell. That'll bring you one laugh closer to getting the abs of your dream bod.

Someone anonymous said: "Always remember, it's better to arrive late than to arrive ugly." When I stumbled upon that quote, girl, I took that to heart. I risked not having enough time to eat breakfast in the morning and tardiness so that I could shape up (pun intended) the facial hair above my seeing spheres into something Audrey Hepburn would have envied.

Here is a definitive timeline of the two of hairy patches on your face that once resembled a pair of strings but are now feathered into beautiful brows that do the talkin'.

In 2009, you didn’t care about your Virgin Caterpillars.

This is the middle school-to-freshman year of high school you that stayed warm for the winter.

2011. Butt-less. Brows. Need I say more?

This should be called Girl-Meets-Tweezer, but the more importantly, girl-deforested-the-outer-halves-of-her-brows.

You kind of can’t have a tail without a butt, and without a butt, there’s no tail to wiggle…Nothing to wiggle means no emotion to showcase.

Whether you were happy, sad, excited, surprised, no one really knew the heck how you really were because you eliminated the section of your brows that does all the arching.

Your first mass makeup haul happened in 2012 when there was an all-you-can-stuff-in-your-sweatshirt-pocket-in-secret deal in her bathroom. You still rocked butt-less brows.

Maybe this wasn’t the case for you if you were allowed to wear makeup at all as a pre-teen.

When I was a high school sophomore, I didn’t own enough of my own makeup to know how to properly cake-up. Instead, I thought I was cute enough wearing flake-up.

The only two products I used from my sophomore to junior year of high school, I found in the back of one of my mother's bathroom drawers: A black, glittery eyeliner pencil and mascara that couldn’t hold a curl which flaked off by 2:00 p.m. after school.

To make matters worse, my dark, charcoal-rimmed eyes sucked the intensity out of my 50 percent existent eyebrows.

Your 2015 New Year’s resolution was to be healthier. Once you realized that wouldn’t last, you not only brought the McFlurry back into your diet but changed your resolution to grow your eyebrows back to McFurry.

I'm sure that by now your eyebrows are as full as you've lived up to this year of 2017.

For every stroke of pomade, you make with the angled bristles of your brush on your brows, take your time, and don't use too heavy of a hand. But don't take too long because balding brows might be a thing before you know it, and you might have a lil' trouble scrubbing off those inky rectangles.

Cover Image Credit: pexels

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My Freckles Are Not A Beauty Trend For You To Appropriate And Immitate

Those with faces full of freckles can't wipe them off like you can after a photo shoot.

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While it is fun to use makeup to express yourself, one can argue unless you are in costume, it should be used to enhance your features, not create new ones. The trend of artificial freckles puts a nasty taste in my mouth reminiscent to the feeling I get when I see a Caucasian woman apply such dark foundation to her face that she appears to be donning blackface.

To someone who has a face full of freckles, it is offensive to see you paint on freckles as if they were not permanent features of other people's skin that they cannot remove with a makeup wipe. I remember asking my cousin at 5 years old if I could surgically remove my freckles and crying when she broke to me that I'd be stuck with what she called giraffe spots my whole life.

I'm not alone in feeling self-conscious about my freckles. The face is the fulcrum of the identity, and it can feel like my facial identity is like a haphazard splash of orange/brown debris. Another against the fake freckles movement retorts: "you'll soon regret them when people begin to describe you as a polka-dot-skinned troll or a cinnamon-toast-faced goblin. Also, when your eyebags start to sag in middle-age, that 'cute' skin art will probably deteriorate into something more closely resembling oblong blackheads. Sincerely, A Freckled Person"

One woman recalls her struggle with accepting the patterns of her skin from a very young age:

“When I was a young girl, I remember staring at myself in my bathroom mirror and imagining my face without the scattered brown dots that littered my face and body. I dreamed of having the small imperfections removed from my face and obtaining the smooth porcelain skin that I envied. I looked at my bare-faced friends in awe because they had what I wanted and would never know. For some odd reason, I had made myself believe that my freckles made me ugly."

I've come to appreciate the beauty of these sun kisses, and many nowadays have too. However, freckles haven't always been considered cute. There is a history of contempt toward red reader freckled people, just ask Anne Shirley! The dramatic young heroine laments: "Yes, it's red," she said resignedly. "Now you see why I can't be perfectly happy. Nobody could who had red hair. I don't mind the other things so much — the freckles and the green eyes and my skinniness. I can imagine them away. I can imagine that I have a beautiful rose-leaf complexion and lovely starry violet eyes. But I cannot imagine that red hair away. I do my best. I think to myself, "Now my hair is a glorious black, black as the raven's wing." But all the time I know it is just plain red, and it breaks my heart. It will be my lifelong sorrow." (Montgomery).

Historically, freckles on ones face have been seen as dirty or imperfect. It's easy to forget that Irish features such as red hair and freckles have been subject to hateful discrimination for centuries. In some places, the word ginger is even used as a slur.

I am not a red-headed stepchild for you to beat — or for you to appropriate.

My facial texture is not a toy for you to play with.

It is rude and inconsiderate to pock your face for a selfie while those with randomly splashed spots get someone once a week trying to rub off the "dirt speck" on their face.

Greg Stevens has a theory to why there is anti-red prejudice

“Skin tone is another one of those well-studied features that has been shown to consistently have an impact on people's assessment of physical beauty: Those with clear, evenly-colored skin are widely regarded as being more attractive than people with patchy, blotchy, or freckled skin.
Nowhere is this more obvious than when looking at professional photos of redheaded models and celebrities. Even those "hot redheads" that flaunt the redness of their hair usually are made-up on magazine covers to have almost unnaturally even skin tones. Moreover, there is a reasonable theory to explain why the bias against freckles might be more than just a cultural prejudice. Not to be too blunt about it, but freckles are cancer factories."

By that, the author means freckles can be early indicators of sun damage or skin cancer. This illusion that freckles indicate deficiency may also play in negative connotations toward a person with freckles

While I acknowledge the intention of people with clear skin who paint freckles on their face isn't to offend — rather it is to appreciate freckles as a beauty statement — the effect is still offensive. If you are thinking about trying this freckle fad, you should put down your fine tipped brush and consider what it would be like if you couldn't wipe away the spots.

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