To The Girl Crying In The Stairwell, These 5 Things I Promise You

To The Girl Crying In The Stairwell, These 5 Things I Promise You

We're all there with you.


Dear girl crying in the stairwell,

I see you. I see you trying to hide your face as I walk down the stairs, ashamed of your tears as you talk on the phone. But I want you to know there is nothing to be ashamed of. You are brave for wearing your heart on your sleeve. And although I walk by and may not stop and give you the hug I want to, I desperately want you to know that I see you and I see your pain.

I feel you. I myself have cried when I thought nobody was around to see, and sometimes I've cried not caring who does see. There is sadness in this world, and my heart breaks for those that feel lonely and sad and are in a dark place. College is hard. Suddenly we are in this new world with so many new emotions and without the support systems that we grew up with. Depression and anxiety can sometimes be our new roommates, and sometimes it's so hard to keep everything together. But I want you to know you're not alone — I feel you.

I'm praying for you. I know you might not recognize me if you saw me again and I might not recognize you, but know that I think about you. I pray for you and hope that whatever was making you cry is not something you're daily afraid of, but something you carry with you as a reminder of how strong you are. If it was a test you failed, hopefully now you know that failing is not the end of the world and you can continue to live even after that letdown. Maybe it's the fact that you miss your mom so much it hurts. I pray that daily you feel grateful that you love someone so much to miss them, or maybe it's something worse that you're dealing with that only you know about. I pray that you find a shoulder to lean on, and know that your scars are not ugly things to hide but beautiful journeys to be proud of and show your growth as a human.

You are strong. People might think crying is a weakness, but it truly is an example of the strong warrior inside that can handle their sadness effectively and emotionally regulate themselves. Do not be ashamed to cry or be ashamed of the emotions you feel. Tears are beautiful and renewing.

You are loved. I do not know where you came from or your story, but already you have a place in my heart. I know that people out there care about you and I want you to know you matter. And even if you feel like nobody on this earth loves you or does anything to show they care, remember that already someone has died for you just for the opportunity to spend a lifetime with you. When everything on earth fails us, which inevitably it will, remember you have a God that loves you and desires an intimate relationship with you. And He is a God who will dry your tears and comfort your broken spirit.

Girl on the stairs, I've been you and I just want you to know you are stronger than you think. And even in your brokenness, there is something even more beautiful growing from those tears. You are loved, you are strong, I'm praying for you, I feel you, and I see you.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black and white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble; and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time, until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling; whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die," or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you, you are not alone.

If you're thinking about hurting yourself please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit to live chat with someone. Help it out there and you are not alone.

Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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To The Person Struggling, It WILL Get Better, Even If You Have To Fake It 'Til You Make It

You don't have to have your life 100% together.


If you are one of those people that are on the struggle bus, it's OK and you aren't alone.

Some days the bus is full and sometimes that bus is mostly empty. But the thing is, you'll get off the bus. And yeah one day you'll get back on it, but what would life be without some kind of struggle?

In all honesty, everyone is struggling and no one really has their life figured out.

People can tell you their life plans and their goals for a month, a year or their life, but the thing is that can always change. Life cannot be planned out completely nor should it be!

I've had multiple adults (the ones that pay rent and have jobs that they love) say that it's all about faking it 'til you make it. So if you are struggling and unsure how to do things, fake it! Of course, if you need help, ask for it! It would be much better to ask how to do something than stress over it for days. But there are just sometimes you might need to pretend like you know what you are doing.

Honestly, confidence is key.

One thing that might help is being organized (if you aren't already). That has helped me. Just being able to know what was where and when my next assignment is due. Lists are your best friend when you are trying to keep your head up in a sea of assignments, projects, exams... you name it. Have as many as you want on the walls, in your phones, on your laptop or anywhere that you can look at it.

Because nothing is worse than feeling like you are forgetting something.

And just like with many things, drink lots of water. It helps. And breathe. It may seem silly, but even ten seconds of focusing on your breathing and closing your eyes helps. Remind yourself that you got this. Because you do.

Above all, relax.

Don't overwork yourself and take breaks doing something that you enjoy. It's better to take breaks than working for hours on end.

So this New Year, remember that it's okay to feel like you're struggling. Just try and enjoy life and breathe. Because one day, you'll get off the struggle bus and to where you need to be.

And you'll get there. It takes just takes some time.

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