Growing up constantly being the ‘thickest’ girl in my class was difficult. There were times when I was bullied about my body type and weight, especially when puberty hit. (Like that’s not already an awful period in everyone’s life.) There were those times when I hated having to be the 12-year-old girl who had to shop in the women’s section instead of the girl’s because I couldn’t find pants to fit my hips. I dressed much more mature than my age, not necessarily because I wanted to, but because it was what fit. While that was my own personal struggle, it was only further exacerbated by the fact that it seemed so unacceptable in society. I was the girl who was too heavy for her age, even though I had always been active in sports. But like many girls at a young age, my perspective of ‘acceptability’ of my shape and weight hinged heavily on media perspective. I went to the grocery store and would see the tabloids of the ‘awful and ugly’ celebrity bikini bodies and endless stories of unfortunate weight gain.
This is toxic, not just for me, but for all young girls. Besides just tabloids, the form of media I was most exposed to was television. It was here that I found very little representation. There were no Disney Channel stars who had hips or curves or were above about a size 6. The few young actors that were ‘bigger’ were always portrayed as unattractive, geeky, and had little fashion sense. The two most prominent in my mind are Agnes from “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” and Betty Suarez from “Ugly Betty.” Why does having curves of a different body type automatically relegate someone to a category of a negative connotation? I was constantly being told that my body wasn’t right and wasn’t going to be accepted in society.
It wasn’t until I got to college that I realized my body type and size was perfectly fine, though. This transition was a weird one for me, and one that I am still progressing through. It was when I got to college and saw some of my peers, that I realized I didn’t have to hide my body. I was amazed at the amount of confidence I saw from the curvy women all around me. It was something I had never had. Before college, I never aimed to show off my body of my curves. I preferred to hide them in my typical wardrobe of jeans, a cardigan, and a scarf. So when I saw women who were so confident and wearing anything and everything, I realized something was extremely wrong with my perspective.
It had always been in my head that I was supposed to hate my body and want to lose weight to fit into society’s
For the first time in my life, I have people that I can look at and see myself it. I can see myself in the media, not being torn down, but rejoiced.
