Chocolate Is Your Number One Trusted Brand Of Tissue
Start writing a post

Chocolate Is Your Number One Trusted Brand Of Tissue

There's no need to MILK your love for chocolate. That's no confession to keep in the DARK when life gets FUDGED up.

127
Chocolate Is Your Number One Trusted Brand Of Tissue
Synthia Alcantar

One chocolate… Two chocolates… Three chocolates… Burp!

Lipstick shades that lie in the brown color spectrum need not be worn only for certain occasions because every day is a special cocoa-tion.

I am an avid chocolate consumer. My imagination is induced by chocolate’s palatable reign over my every thought.

Instead of counting sheep to sleep, I count the grooves on the side of a Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup. The rain never depresses my mood because the patter of cloud tears rejoices the sound of a running chocolate fountain. Which brings us to the question:

How much chocolate is too much chocolate?

I met up with myself to discuss the behaviors of a hyper-crazed chocoholic.

Okay, my formal title may not tail off with the initials “MD,” but I am a self-dubbed Doctor of Medicine Hot Messes. Please, hear me out anyway.

The symptoms include but are not limited to:

1. Denial of that emergency stash of Hershey’s nuggets underneath your tongue

...as well as that never-empty jar of fun-sized Mars assortments stowed underneath your bed, away from your roommates.

2. Feelings of discontent at first bite into a hollow chocolate bunny

Come on, really now? Who invented the chocolate bunny, anyway? Is there some grim origin behind its hollowness that represents the absence of the Easter bunny's soul? There are enough poor children in this world afraid of the darn thing.

3. Increased heart rate at the sight of this:

It happens, on average, four times a year — the day after Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and Easter.

4. Breaking off plans to break off a rectangle (or five) of a chocolate bar

While the rest of your crew is carousing away at a bar, you're be burritoed up on a beanbag. While a tipsy feller steps on your stiletto-wearing friend's day-old pedicure, your feet are protected by the pair of fuzzy socks you just pulled out of the dier. While your other friend is gets blinded by strobe lights, the reflection of your chocolate bar wrapper adds an angelic glint to your complexion. While another friend spilled red wine on her white converse, a gloriously highly respectable choco-stache appeared on your upper lip. Finally, when either of the three shows up to your door at 2:00 a.m. to cry about seeing their crush dancing with someone else, you'll be caught so off guard that the box of tissues will be out of reach, and you hand her the rest of your chocolate bar instead.

Chocolate not only keeps you out of trouble but is your number one trusted brand of tissue.

The question no longer is, "How much chocolate is too much chocolate?" Rather, "How much chocolate isn't enough chocolate?


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

48899
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

31093
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

954885
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

180199
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments