When I was in 5th grade a very close family friend had passed away.
I was young and in no way did I really understand what was going on.
I don’t remember too much about that day, I remember a lot of tears and that I didn’t go to school that day.
The most vivid memory I have of that day is going to my room, looking at my ceiling and saying these words,
“Lord, I don’t know what’s going on, but I know that you’re good and I know that You love me.”
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I was sitting in my car having an emotional breakdown, I had just had a panic attack and was frustrated with God.
I asked Him, “What are You even doing? Why are You letting this happen?”
In that moment, I was immediately brought back to that moment where 10-year-old me was talking to my ceiling and He said to me,
“Where is she? Where is her faith? She trusted Me, why don’t you?”
Oh, to have faith like a child. To share the tragedy of death in the faith and say “Lord, I don’t know what You’re doing, but I know that You’re good and I know that You love me.”
Oh, to have a faith that has no idea what it’s like to doubt.
To have faith without question.
To be like a child.
To love like a child.
You know how in first grade you would see someone with the same kind of crayons you have y’all would just immediately become best friends? To love your neighbor because of one common thing.
If we could just love our neighbor like a child, without condition, because we share one common thing. To love our neighbor just because they are our neighbor.
The past few weeks I have felt like the rug has been ripped out from under me and in this revelation, I realized that that was the only way the Lord was going to get my flesh to fall on my knees.
To need Him like a child needs a parent, to be obedient, to accept discipline, and trust that He knows what is best for me.
The Lord has placed me in a season of teaching me how to be His child. He is teaching me to wait on Him.
He is teaching me that “because I said so” is a valid answer from Him.
He is showing me trust without borders.
He is showing me that there is a difference between being childlike and being childish.
The Lord gave me this word for me because I needed it. I’m not sure if this word will apply to those of you reading but just let me leave you with this,
It is okay to be a child in the Lord’s presence, it is okay to dance, sing off key, and it is okay to need to be held after you get hurt—even if you’re the one who touched the hot stove after He specifically said “don’t touch the stove.” He is always going to be there with arms wide open.