In my case, both of my parent's are addicts. So I feel all these things twice as strong.
As children, all you know is your parents are supposed to be your safe place. They're supposed to show you right from wrong. However, it doesn't always work out that way.
When you have a parent who is an addict, you constantly question your self-worth.
Why am I not enough for them to be sober for?
You question whether every single phone call you receive will be that call. And if you're reading this, I know you know exactly what I mean when I say THAT call. You check your wallet 100 times in fear they've gotten to it and you didn't realize it. You watch them become the addiction, and not themselves.
You have to stop being a child far too early because you feel you have to take care of them. And as you become an adult, you tend to surround yourself with people in a similar situation as them so maybe you can save them and feel like it makes up for your parent's addiction. But, it doesn't. It never will.
You find empty pill bottles and needles all throughout their room. You see them high so much that you don't remember what it's like for them to be sober.
The word "junkie" will piss you off more than anything else.
You get to experience the shitty side of their addiction, without a choice. You get to watch them choose drugs over you, but you have no choice on how hard you love them.
You question every day what it's like to have parents. REAL parents. Those who show you how to live, instead of show you what road you shouldn't go down. And as you become a parent yourself, you overanalyze every single choice you make in fear you'll hurt your children how they hurt you.
If you have siblings, you'll do everything in your power to take care of them. You'll feel obligated to be the parent to them that you never had.
You'll realize drugs don't care.
They'll take every single part of them, and every single part of you. The memories of them before their addiction will flood your head daily, and if you think their drug addiction makes you forget those good times or love them any less, I promise you — it doesn’t.
