.
1. What do you call a fake noodle?
An imPASTA!!!!!
2. What is a monsters favorite type of sandwich?
An I-SCREAM sandwich!
3. Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?
Because he was a little SHELL-fish.
4. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
He never lands!
5. Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "Ketchup"!
6. What do you call the security guards outside of the Samsung store?
The Guardians of the Galaxy.
7. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because he felt crummy.
8. What did the tree say to the wind?
Leaf me alone!
9. Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
Because it's pointless
10. What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese!
11. How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie into it!
12. What do you call a bear with no ears?
b
13. Why couldn't the pony sing at the talent show?
Because he was a little hoarse
14. What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room?
Odor in the court!
15. Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
16. Why aren't koalas actual bears?
because they don't meet the koalafications
17. What does a nosey pepper do??
It gets jalapeño business
18. As a scarecrow, people tell me I'm outstanding in my field.
But hay, it's in my jeans!
19. How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool
20. I bought the worlds worse thesaurus yesterday.
Not only was it terrible, but it was terrible
21. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent
22. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investiGATOR
23. What would happen if you ate yeast and shoe polish??
Every morning you would rise and shine
24. What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can't tuna fish
25. Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
because she will Let It Go!
26. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk
27. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant
28. What do lawyers wear to work?
Lawsuits
29. where do crayons go on vacation?
Color-ado
30. What do you call a computer floating in the ocean?
A Dell rolling in the deep
31. Did you hear about the hungry clock?
It went back four seconds
32. What is a called when a cat wins a dog show?
A cat-has-trophy
33. What is heavy forwards, but not backwards?
A ton
34. What did the femur say to the patella?
I kneed you
35. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise?
LMAYO
36. What do you call a sad coffee??
A despresso
37. Why are frogs always so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them
38. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite
39. What is the bet day to go to the beach?
Sunday, of course!
40. What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A Yamahahahaha
41. Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
because he had no-body to go with :(
42. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear
43. Did you hear the joke about the roof??
Never mind, it's over your head.
44. I've been hiding from exercise...
I'm in the fitness protection program
45. Did you hear about the angry pancake?
He just flipped!
46. Why did the traffic light turn red?
You would to if you had to change in the middle of the street.....
I was cackling while reading these, so I hope you smiled even just a little. Enjoy the rest of your day!
