Introduction:

I have been writing this off and on for quite some time and have finally put it into words to where I think it’s a realistic, raw, and accurate depiction of what a family goes through with cancer. At times, I’ve debated on whether to even share it. However, my parents wish to share their story in the hopes of providing others in similar situations with comfort, realness,and most of all hope. It is in my best wishes that this story honors both of my parents and their individual and unique journey’s, trials, and tribulations in the best possible way.

I love you both so much.

For starters, cancer you suck. Next, the story.

My Mom’s Story:

It all started in February of 2019. I was a Junior at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga and had just celebrated my 20th birthday the month prior. I was still living with my parents at the time and vividly remember getting a text saying that we needed to have a family meeting one night. This was unlike my family. We all gathered around my parents couch in the living room as they delivered the news that my life would change forever.

Sitting there, my dad and mom just look at me and my younger sister Shelby with emptiness not knowing what to say. They take a couple of sorrowful glances at each other and then drop a bomb. My dad clears his throat and with shaky hands and a wavering voice says: “Girls, Your mom has a rare cancer. It is stage 3 triple negative breast cancer. I’m sorry we took a while to tell you, we had to figure some things out, get a second opinion, and make sure before we told you. I‘m happy to answer any questions y’all may have if I can.”

My first immediate thought is nothing. I went numb and stared into oblivion. Then, it faded into wanting to know everything there was to know about this Cancer. However, it suddenly switched to just one angry and hurt question: “Why?”

Why her? Why my sweet mom? Why the one person in this world who would go without so I could have it all? Why the most selfless woman on the planet? Why choose the woman who has already been through so much in her lifetime? Why?

At the time my mom did IV’s at Erlanger Hospital in Chattanooga and was going to be Chemo Certified to mix bags for treatments, never knowing those bags would be needed for her.

2 short days after our family couch meeting, my mom had a port put in for chemo (doxorubicin “Red Devil”, and Taxol) to be pushed through. For those who don’t know what triple negative breast cancer is, Hopkins Medicine’s states that: “Triple-negative breast cancer accounts for about 10% to 20% of all breast cancer cases. Every cancer diagnosis is unique, but in general, triple-negative breast cancer is a more aggressive type of tumor with a faster growth rate, higher risk of metastasis and recurrence risk.” The Huntsman Cancer Institute states that “Twenty percent of women diagnosed with breast cancer in the United States will learn they have triple-negative breast cancer. That diagnosis means the three most common proteins known to fuel breast cancer growth—estrogen receptor, progesterone receptor, and HER2—are not present in the tumor. Those patients will not respond to any of the targeted therapies developed to treat breast cancer with those characteristics. After surgery, their only treatment option is chemotherapy. Targeted therapy allows healthy cells to survive, but chemotherapy can kill normal cells when eliminating the cancer cells.”

Many people do not realize that this cancer can’t be treated the same as other breast cancers. Your body is resistant to typical treatments and it’s a series of trial and error. This oftentimes made my mom feel isolated and alone in her journey.

Before starting her chemo treatment, my mom's cancer moved to her lymph nodes. By the time her mastectomy was done she had 3 nodes affected.

Chemo affected my mom greatly. She began to lose her hair and would hold clumps of it and sob. My dad shaved his head so my mom would not go through it alone. I can’t explain their love for one another through their hardest battles.

Fast forward to July of 2020, one of my moms tissue expanders used in reconstructive surgery during a mastectomy had failed and it had to be removed. If that wasn’t devastating enough, In October of 2020 she started 36 rounds of radiation treatment. This radiation would kill both the bad and the healthy cells, and leave my mom with burns on her body.

That next month in November of 2020, my mom traveled to Atlanta for DIEP surgery. We prayed this one would be the one to make her feel like the strong powerful woman she is. She was so ready to start reconstructive surgery again. However, three days later after she had implants put in one of her breasts got infected. The surgeon tried 3 separate times for reconstructive surgery. One of her breasts even exploded at home.

As of right now, my mom is cancer-free. As much as that makes our hearts fill with joy, the rejected reconstructive surgery’s have left her body in her words “a nightmare”. On top of that, she has a risk of cancer recurrence for the rest of her life. Huntsman Cancer Institute reads “Sixty percent of patients with triple-negative breast cancer will survive more than five years without disease, but four out of ten women will have a rapid recurrence of the disease.”

Overall, my mother had 3 rounds of chemo, and a total of 13 different surgeries during her cancer journey. After every surgery, she also would have to wear drainage tubes and empty blood and keep track of how much blood was deposited as if she hasn’t already dealt with enough. She also has neuropathy of the feet (a long-term side effect of the chemo and radiation). Cleveland Clinic shares that “Neuropathy is damage or dysfunction of one or more nerves that typically results in numbness, tingling, muscle weakness and pain in the affected area. It results when nerve cells, called neurons, are damaged or destroyed.”

Where are we now with this story?

The cause of my mom’s triple negative breast cancer is still unknown.

My mom's breast reconstructive surgery is still not complete because her body has rejected it so many times.

What’s next? We aren’t really sure. She has stopped trying and is unsure of what to do or what route to take.

I just hope one day she feels as beautiful on the outside that I think she is on the inside.

My Dad’s Story:

As if my mom's story isn’t enough for our family. Last year on May 21st of 2021 I received a call from my mom while I was at work. She tells me that “your dad has fell off a ladder, and we think he has had a seizure fixing a light bulb.”

My dad has worked hard labor jobs all of his life and I am honored to call my dad the most hardworking guy I know. His ability and being able to provide for our family is unmatched.

My dad had never had seizures ever in his life. He was taken to the hospital where multiple procedures were done to determine that it was in fact a seizure with a cause unknown and sent home with the understanding that it was just a freak accident.

My mom knew something just wasn’t adding up, the doctors even suggested that my dad had seizures that were just dormant throughout his childhood. My mom still denied those claims.

Turns out her instinct was right, because on June 2021 my dad was first diagnosed with stage 2 Oligodendroglioma Brain Cancer. He had a brain tumor in his temporal lobe that would need to be removed. MD Anderson shares that “The temporal lobe sits toward the bottom of the brain and forms new memories, processes language, and processes input from the senses of hearing, sight, taste and touch.” This would begin to change my dad's life forever.

Some of the side effects my dad was having were headaches, seizures, changes in mental function and personality, changes in speech, sensory changes, and much more.

At first I didn’t tell anyone, it was scary. I had been through hell and back with my mom's diagnosis and it was wall raw. As it had not even been a year. We didn’t know much about dad’s cancer at first. However, we shortly found out the type of brain cancer wasn’t what we were first told. We were eventually told that he had Glioblastoma Multiforme Brain Cancer (Which is automatically set at a stage 4 cancer).

This cancer, unlike my moms, is terminal. The glioblastoma foundation on their website states that “Glioblastoma is a very aggressive form of brain cancer, and currently, there is no cure. It grows fast and can spread quickly, so by the time it’s diagnosed, the chances for survival are low. The average life expectancy for glioblastoma patients who undergo treatment is 12-15 months and only four months for those who do not receive treatment.’Because of the infiltrative nature of glioblastoma and the lack of treatment advancement over the past 50 years, only about 5 percent of glioblastoma patients survive more than five year”.

The treatment for this type of cancer is tumor removal surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. That’s it. Clinical trials are an option as well as various other options like an optune hat.

My dad had his first brain tumor removal surgery that in late June of 2021 and then began radiation immediately after they were able to remove all of the tumor. Despite being able to remove all the thmor, the cells will always have cancer in them with the ability to form new tumors.

This past May of 2022, we found out that my dad had a tumor regrow back in his temporal lobe of his brain. He had an open craniotomy (where he was awake for part of the brain surgery) done to remove it. However, they were not able to get all of it. He has now finished another round of radiation that we hope will be able to remove more of the tumor. My dad has necrosis fo the brain so it is extremely hard to determine MRIs.

The future for those with GBM (Glioblastoma Multiforme) comes with hopes for new technology and new clinical trials to prolong life and the quality of life.

Where are we now with this story?

My dad got genotyped last week and we should find out if genetics happen to play a part in this. We hope to find out soon.

The causes of Glioblastoma are still widely unknown.

Conclusion:

No one tells you everything you need to know about cancer.

•No one tells you that you wish you could skip your college classes (and sometimes did) just to sit with your mom in the hospital as she takes chemo through a port, so she doesn’t have to be alone. I mean after all someone has to provide for the family, leaving my dad unwillingly absent sometimes to no fault of his own.

•No one tells you that you would do anything to make your mom feel pretty again because she no longer loves her body.

•No one tells you the countless doctors appointments every week that leave your mom exhausted, weak, and depressed.

•They don’t tell you how guilty you will feel for your health while your parents suffer.

•They don’t tell you how they go through personality changes because your parents are using their energy to get better and fight and that energy gets taken away from other places that we would normally have it directed towards your family.

•No one tells you how hard it is to spend time with your parents because you can’t stand to see them hurt and drive home crying when it’s over.

•No one tells you about the waiting game to see if the chemo is working, and if it’s not what the next course of action is, or how long it will last.

•No one tells you that your parents can’t do the things they used to, such as having a social life, exercise, or being able to schedule a vacation.

•No one tells you about the all encompassing mass feelings of sadness, depression, fear, anxiety, loneliness, and hopefulness.

•No one tells you how hard it is to share updates on cancer to family, friends, and loved ones. So instead, you’ve kept it to yourself and only share bits and pieces.

•No one tells you how you have to utilize understanding, trying to help, and learning to keep your family close stronger and closer so we don’t drift apart.

•No one tells you it’s trying to understand that friends, family, and loved ones still care about you and what you’re going through, but they have their own lives at the end of the day.

On the other hand, I can now tell you what I know about cancer...

It’s having small conversations about things, because the big ones are overwhelming and hard to handle.

It’s trying to not live outside of yourself or your body, or thinking that life is moving along without you. It’s putting yourself in the present and remembering tomorrow is a new day, the sun is rising, and healing isn’t linear.

It’s pulling together as a family, even when you feel all hope is lost.

It’s remembering that you’re growing as a person through this. It’s becoming more sympathetic, responsible, and strong.

It’s learning to accept others' help, because harboring everything alone is way too much for one person to handle.

It’s appreciating each day, because it truly is a gift. And you don’t know what tomorrow brings.

It’s answering others' questions, even though it’s hard it brings awareness to a situation.

If you’ve gotten this far in this article. I hope you choose to share it to bring light to those struggling with cancer and bring awareness to what they go through and their families. It is easy to be angry towards cancer and question everything. There are times of deep sadness and then times of immense hope. I hope this inspires others to press on and to do what you think is best for your unique cancer journey. I hope that this is a reminder that life isn't easy, but the time spent with family is worth it over and over again.

There is so much more I could write, but I believe this hits all the bases. My inbox is open to questions and comments.

Thank you!