I came to college already have chosen my road, my journey, that I would stick to no matter what. Well, there is a whole world out there that I have yet to know about, and I need to learn to let myself find it.

When I arrived at college no ifs, ands, or buts, I wanted to be a doctor. I am a biology major, so I think there was a part of me that thought that was the only option. Practically everyone I thought who majored in biology ends up being some kind of doctor. And me, being me, was stubborn. The decision I made I was going to stick with.

At least that was what I thought when entering college six months ago. I think I wanted to prove that I could do it to people. Part of me thought that making it through medical school would somehow make me a better person than everyone else. I know that is horrible to think, but a small sliver of me believed that.

I'm the kind of person that likes a plan. A layout of how I'm going to get to where I want to be in the future. The road of a premed student sounded organized and neat to me. Four years undergraduate, four years medical school, and however many years of residency and you're good. I felt safe with taking this route. I thought it was very much so just checking things off to get to the next, and I liked the idea of that. So, there I was with my little stubborn mind ready to start and race to the finish line, medical school, as soon as possible. But after a semester under my belt, I feel very differently about this.

After getting the hang of college, I have realized that there is so much more you can do out there with a degree in biology. There are literally SO MANY things!

I am taking this biology research seminar class for the first year research experience program that I am in. We had this one assignment where we had to come up with atypical jobs in science. And after looking some up myself and hearing what other people had to say, I honestly can say I had no idea of everything out there that involves science. I'm happy my professors made me do this or else I would have never thought about it.

I have learned along the way that I am good at and enjoy many different things. I love writing and being creative, but I never thought how that could tie into science. I always thought they were too very separate things. However, when you really think about it, they are really one in the same. Science requires a creative mind. A kind of mind that can think outside of the box. It requires the skill to write effectively. So it isn't really that hard to put two very seemingly opposite subjects together.

It was hard to admit to myself that maybe being a doctor isn't what I really want to do. Maybe it was just hard to admit that I still don't know. I can't tell you where I am going to be in four or five years. Who knows? I could be in medical school like I originally thought, or I could be doing something completely different. But, for me, I just needed to let myself be open to change. Things change all the time, especially for college students. Let's be honest with ourselves, nobody really knows what in the hell they're doing. As cheesy as it may sound, love and savor the journey. That's what it's all about. Don't build your experiences off what you think you want to do, use your experiences to find your passion. Although it may seem scary and you might feel lost sometimes, know that welcoming change is the best way you can grow. I know that I am now, or at least I try to. I want to end up doing something that I will be happy in. I want to feel genuinely happy with what I do, and in order to do that, it takes time. Sometimes I need to tell myself not to rush things, that everything will work out in the end.

So although I started with wanting to be a doctor, it doesn't mean it has to end that way. Don't get me wrong, I still love science and anatomy, but that doesn't mean I have no other choices. Change is the best form of growth for a student. Constantly reevaluating your decisions to determine what is best for you should be welcomed. Oftentimes, like for me, it is your own self that doesn't let you stray from your predetermined path. But, drifting from this path can lead to great things. I guess you could say I'm lost. But, being lost does great things for the soul. And if letting myself wander will help me find my way, then so may I be perpetually lost until that day comes.