Carrots. Those damn carrots. Always hanging around, too cool for school, acting like they own the joint. Well I’m here to tell ya that they do not own the joint. They don’t even own anything. They’re just carrots, and they are not cool.

They’ll try to tell you otherwise. “Oh, we’re so cool cuz we’ve got this cool orange skin and we’re like cool vegetable things and carrot this and carrot that and we’re just so so cool and blah blah blah shut it up, you stupid orange sticks.” Ugh, it’s just the most. I can’t even deal with those losers. Carrots are just the worst.

So whatever they say, don’t listen to those rag tag ragamuffins. That whole “we’re so cool because we’re carrots” narrative is just one big egg carton full of lies. Carrots are not cool. Carrots are not cool. Carrots are NOT cool. Just ignore them. Pretend they don’t exist. Forget about the time one got stuck in your nose and you had to go to the hospital to get it removed.

Oh Em Grapefruit, those carrots are just the WORST. They think they’re SO cool and if you’re stupid enough to believe that garbage, you deserve it. How could anyone in their right mind ever think that those ugly-ass little bite-sized gross things ever be cool? I just don’t get it. Carrots are so obviously not cool. They’re like the thimble of the vegetable world. Carrots should be the only things that think carrots are cool, and even then, they should realize that they’re stupid and ugly and I hate them and they’re the worst.

So, yeah, carrots aren’t cool. They’ve never been cool. They never will be cool. They’re just sad carrots that think they’re cool but are most definitely not.

You agree with me.