There are people in this world who are natural born healers and fixers. They are siblings or children of parents who need help, they are attracted to men or women who are in need of being saved or fixed and they go through brutal one-sided friendships that never seem to end. Their lives are a little bit more stressful, a little less bright and are known as "selfless," because they are more worried about others than themselves. These are our healers and fixers and most of them are sick of it.
Others gravitate toward them, share their secrets after mere minutes of meeting and are very trustworthy. These people will move mountains for those who need it, but ask for nothing in return. Helping someone with their problems genuinely makes someone feel good about themselves. The feelings of importance, acceptance and strength are all important things to our fixers. They attract those in need, because on the outside they seem to have it together. Fixers are easy to talk to, strong and caring people. They choose others before themselves and it can become extremely exhausting. If you know people in your life who ask for nothing but are always there for you, second guess what you're doing to them.
People who are attracted to others who need to be fixing live a different love life. When you start dating someone who has a ton of baggage, mental health issues, drama, etc., you are now apart of it all. Fixers are people who gravitate to the damaged or the ones who need a self-confidence boost, when really they want someone to do the same for them. They spend so much time on a guy or a girl they're into, listening to their problems, making them happy, being their shoulder to lean on, giving advice, taking them to places and buying them things no one else will, and ask for nothing in return. They are the best friends anyone could ask for, but they are easily taken advantage of. Fixers and healers feel like they need to make things right for the person they care about and they'll do anything to help. What happens when that person feels healed or fixed and doesn't need them anymore?
Here's what happens to our amazing fixers: they are left broken. Putting in 100 percent to any kind of relationship whether it is with your unstable or financially struggling parent, your needy friend with hair full of drama or your significant other who has a past, present and what seems to be a hard future, is detrimental to your own happiness. Let's face it, do a lot of people stay after they've been fixed or healed? Do they marry the fixer in their life or do they use all the amazing support and go find someone better? Honestly, it's usually the latter. Fixers are strong and caring, but weak when it comes to those who need their help. They give up their time and energy to help someone, just for them to say "thanks for everything" and walk away. This is emotionally and physically draining. Have you ever been texting someone about their problems all day and feel that it's taking over your own mind? You spend so much time giving advice and helping someone, that when you need to solve something for yourself, you are completely drained and incapable. This is not fair and it's not what anyone should feel like.
These amazing people end up giving up dreams to stay home and help their mom out with the bills. They end up missing out on great friendships, because they're too involved in helping one needy friend. They fall in love with the same type of person, over and over again, who needs them and then drops them. They end up resenting people for wasting so much time on them, but just choose to keep doing it, hoping that one day someone falls in love with the fixer. They end up cleaning up the mess from everyone before and ending with a mess of their own. Life isn't fair for anyone, but our fixers need some help getting through it too.
We need fixers and healers in this world. We need people who are selfless and go above and beyond for others, but we do not need to treat them poorly after they've helped us. Honestly, we need them because most people who rather replace than fix anything. We all have a friend or we are the fixer, so we know what this is like. Being taken advantage of by anyone is not cool, but it's even worse when it happens over and over again. Fixers and healers are who they are and that is all. They can't stop being caring or overly great, so people start to catch on and use them. Significant people in life will start to realize that they're going to be there for them no matter what, listening to every complaint, helping them with whatever they need and then when they're done needing help, they bounce. When a fixer actually decides to date someone that makes them better or removes themselves from a one-sided situation or relationship, it is rare and that is a shame.
If you consider yourself a fixer, a healer or just an overly good friend with no need for anything in return, I respect you and I feel compassion for you. Not only do you pour time and energy into someone you care about, but you love with all of your heart, even if it's not returned. I hope you all find love, find compassion and find someone who wants to fix you for a change. Someone who won't want to just fix you, but be there so you don't have to face anything alone. Someone who will put you first, mend your broken pieces from every single person who has walked away or used you, and reminds you that sometimes, you need someone to listen too.
