I think I have been single long enough. I finally feel ready to start dating again and to eventually (let's not rush things, please) fall in love again. I needed time to myself to figure out who I was, who I am. I have been single for many years trying to discover myself, and my worth. Now that I have accomplished that, I am ready to let a guy into my life, I'm just not sure that I know how.
Men do not define me, I don't need one in my life to complete me, but at this point, I want one around sometimes. The difference here is that I used to think I needed a guy to complete me. If I didn't have a boyfriend, there must've been something wrong with me. I was too fat, or too ugly, or I dressed the wrong way. I was too weird, too uptight, or too emotional. That just wasn't the case though. I have figured out who I am, and I like myself now. I was never too fat, ugly, weird, or too emotional. I looked the way I did because I felt like it, and I acted the way I did because that is who I was. It's who I am. There was never anything wrong with me, it was the guys I was with that were wrong for me. I like myself now.
Here is where I run into a problem though. I enjoy my own presence, and I am so comfortable in my single-living life, that I don't know how to have a relationship again. I know I want one, but I don't even know how to do that anymore. When I want to hang out with my friends, I will not be asking for permission from a guy. When my schedule changes and I have to work a little extra, I don't need someone complaining that he doesn't get to see me like the original plan was. I don't want to see him every day because I need some time to myself, even if that time is literally just me sitting at home watching whatever show it is I felt like watching. I want to stay independent. I come first to myself. Can I do that while still being in a relationship?
No, I don't want to date multiple guys at the same time or hook up with random dudes. That part of the single life is not something I need or want. At the end of the day, I just want a guy that is there for me, supports me and wants to be with me and not a bunch of other girls. I want him, no, I need him to be okay with the idea of me being independent. My happiness and my well-being are what is important to me first. Is this possible? Can I be single in the sense of being independent, while still being in a relationship?
