Caffeine Daydreams, Take Two.

2. Admiring

Simply admiring the world won't cut it, especially in our time and age, simply stepping out of your front door, sadly, isn't enough anymore, the many tests of endurance and strength that used to pile up in the back of our heads in order to make us into man and woman have been slowly replaced by participation medals and awards. Rudimentary struggles and euphoric moments simplified life back in the day, the harvest and moon festivals gave life to the hands and feet that would shorten it by working non-stop, and that was it. Vision quests were a custom belonging to the crowd of foolish wildlings as it still is today, and as it should be--not to consider myself foreign to them--And after all, we are still trapped, the pain of generations that made it by land or sea keeps on acting as the condescending chain that grounds the bold and quiets the loud, leaving them to live and die where they stand.

What do you know? After all that I've been through if I had my time again, I would do it all over. Although here's my dilemma, I'm conflicted by reasons, afraid of letting passion rob me of judgment, for I don't know whether I'd follow the same path for fear of the unknown, or for my ego, the one that leads me to believe I can do better than fate itself, and cheat chances and coincidences.

I quit trying to let my mind guide me, I'll just let it chose the best way to walk the trail my heart has chosen, my malevolent thoughts, my selfish wishes, and my frightful being have cheated me out of Eden for too long. Perhaps, traveling in search of what's right comes out as a pointless quest for answers, since the beating pulp of feelings in your chest will tell you more than enough if you learn how to listen to him.

As a wise man once said, "when it comes to crossroads I've always known what the right path was, but it was too damn hard."

As the ones that I admired have told me, "I've made mistakes, and I've been foolish, yet here I am, still working and trying."

As I'm here sitting and pretending to know what I'm saying--I've made dumb decisions and proud ones too, I've been wrong and right, and for my own sake, I've been safe.

Few things left to admire for the first time I find, am I not looking hard enough? For one I know that trying to own and change them has proven worthless. For another, I know that trying to stay and settle has proven boring. Lastly, I know that trying to find myself contempt has killed the One that I now leave to choose. So perhaps I should just head off, to work non-stop and to hope that a harvest moon will let me see, what I know to heart has proven to be worth admiring.

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