A boy. No. A man. A man is full of potential and promises. A man is full of discipline and sympathy. A man that was determined to get what he wanted and to provide for me. A man who pushed me to my limits and congratulated me when I reached my breaking point. This man was no ordinary man. This man was a different species because anyone who ever came in contact with him discovered something unfamiliar. They discovered something that seemed impossible in a human. This man portrayed characteristics like dedication, love, and discipline.

I was four. Four years old when life decided to become unfair. I was four. Four years old when I could not find my purpose. I was four. Four years old when I could not control my emotions. I was four. Four years old when I met a man who gave me a sense of mind. He put a drive in me that I never would have found by myself. He put normal and transferable skills in me. He showed me how to not let my problems devour my progress which eventually showed me what dedication was. I learned so many valuable lessons dealing with this man. This man made me face my fears and fight my demons. For example, being in elementary school I was facing problems with the foster system. I was going through withdraws and walking around confused and felt lifeless. This would transfer into my school work and even cause me to act out in school, but this secret man came drifting in. He was like the holy ghost. Unseen but felt. One day when I came home from school, he said, "Danielle sit.". He also said, "you will not move from this table until ALL of your school work is complete and complete perfectly or to my satisfaction." My little self was confused and slightly upset because I use to do my work but I never gave it my best. That day I was up until ten p.m. because I did my work but not good enough for him. I became angry at him and I would lash out, scream, and kick. I could not figure out why my work was not good enough for him. I would never understand until now. My senior year of high school and I finally understand why he pushed me so hard. He secretly taught me to stay focus on my work. No matter how big or small it was. Anything I do I needed to be perfect or until I know I did everything that needed to be done. He taught me that even if my situation did not pretty does not mean I did not have a chance of making my future beautiful. He also uses to say that everything he did to and/for me was because he loved me.

Love. It can be difficult to understand or it can be read clear as day. His love was a mixture. Some days it would be clear that he loved me and others I could not tell. Some people would say he had hard love, but my young self back then would claim that to be false. He was a firm man and believed heavily in education. He wanted me to be the best I could be no matter what the circumstance. He did not believe in petty and that rubbed off on me. He also told me to not allow anyone to say anything less about me. He said the character was everything and I needed to have more than just a great character. I needed to have an out-of-this-world character. I never understood the purpose of telling me this was. Some things he said it went in one ear and out the other but this stayed. He even told me to be exclusive in self-love. I needed to love myself and work so nobody could fool me into stupidity. In 2017, I finally realized what he meant. I understood the importance of self-love and how big character was. That was the year of significant changes starting with my hair. I cut all my hair off and I learned to love the skin and hair God gave me. I started to embrace my short hair and dark skin. I learned how to do this through my brother. His hard love became my heaven and sometimes my hell. Again, he was a firm man so some things he believes in firmly.

This man was a firm believer in discipline. Now, he never whopped me or put his hands on me, he still managed to teach me valuable lessons. When I would do something wrong he would not put his hands on me heavily but softly. He would look into my eyes and that is where I felt the fire. That is where I knew I was in trouble. He also would use words. Not bad words but smart words. He would discipline me with knowledge. He would say, " Danielle. You know you should not have done that. You know I want the best for you.". Then I would feel guilty for what I did. He also taught me self discipline. When doing my school work he made sure it was done in a quiet place with no distractions. I could not have my DSI XL or the tv. I could not even have the music playing in the background. He told me I had to stay focused and if I wanted to do or be better I needed to handle my distractions. This is a saying I still use today. When doing my school work or any time of work. I make sure that I am fully focused on. The only difference now is that I allow myself to play soft music in the background but have my phone somewhere far. Then I would not be tempted to look at my phone and distract myself. I also use his words in life situations. If I feel like somebody is not good for me, then I will remove them. If somebody is showing fake love, then I will remove them. He has taught me to not settle and to always get what I deserve.

This man has many names. He has many purposes, but he was a disguised angel. He was my guardian that God knew I would need. This man left this world while I was in the seventh grade, but as the holy spirit, he has been here guiding me and helping me keep my head on straight. Every now and then he sends me reminders that he still is looking out for me and sometimes I can hear him say keep going. This man. This man. This man is my brother. This man is the only son of my parents. This man is the one I called Pea. He was my protector and teacher of life. He taught me everything that I needed to know and he continues to give me lessons when I am troubled. Milton Correll Bates Jr. My brother.