BREAKING NEWS: Thanksgiving Is Lost

BREAKING NEWS: Thanksgiving Is Lost

Stop being un-American, and start marketing Thanksgiving.

BREAKING NEWS: Thanksgiving has been lost.

The aisles have overlooked it, the ads have bypassed it, and the calendar has all but erased it from record. I don't understand. Why is is that society has collectively decided to just forget about Thanksgiving? Why do we jump from promoting Halloween to promoting Christmas? What has Thanksgiving done to deserve the shaft like that?

When I walk into Wal-Mart the day after Halloween and see Christmas trees and wrapping paper everywhere, I'm like:

I mean, really, Thanksgiving is great. Food. Family. Political arguments over the dinner table. Older family members asking what you're doing with your life. What's not to love?

Seriously, though. Why is Thanksgiving so overlooked and under-marketed? I know I'm the first in line for my new cornucopia centerpiece every year. And the hanging gourds are a must-have. I think Thanksgiving should be marketed as a marriage between a dress-up holiday, much like Halloween, and a gift-giving holiday like Christmas. Forget about actually celebrating being thankful and focus on what gift you're receiving from your pilgrim-costume-clad nana. Stop thanking, start soliciting gifts.

I think it's a sham that Thanksgiving is basically the only American holiday untouched by corporate greed and manufactured demand. I mean, how dare we let Thanksgiving actually be about being thankful? That's just so un-American .

We're getting close, though. The idea of being thankful is slowly, but surely, being replaced with the notion that we have to consume, and consume, and consume food until we're literally so sick that we have to go to sleep. So we are almost there. We have almost hit Halloween-level consumption promotion. Well done, America.

Now, if only we could convince the children that shoveling sixty-five Brussels sprouts down their throats is the same as sixty-five Kit Kats, we'd be set for maximum marketability.

Really, I think it is all the kids' faults. Thanksgiving is just too mature for them. And if you can't market to kids, you can't market to anyone. Christmas isn't successful because the adults find joy in spoiling the actual hell out of their children. Christmas is successful because we've convinced ourselves that joy is impossible unless we spoil our children. What better way to spoil a five-year old than with yams and cranberry sauce, amiright?

Seriously, I'm tired of Thanksgiving being so overlooked. It's terrible that we haven't found a way to suck American pockets dry by manufacturing some useless stuff everyone has to have in order to enjoy a holiday and pad the wallets of corporate monkeys to lazy to groom it out of us themselves.

So, here's to making Thanksgiving the next super-market decoration sensation. And Merry Christmas!

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11 Best April Fools Pranks

Everyone enjoys a prank

I've never been very good at pranking people, so with April Fools coming soon, I've started doing my research on what pranks I can pull on my friends. Pranking your friends can be a lot of fun for everyone involved. I think I've found a few pretty good pranks to get my friends this year. I hope you'll take advantage of this April Fools and also get your friends.

1.) Change your friends autocorrect

2.) Wrap their bed in saran wrap

3.) Give them a caramel onion

4.) Paint their soap with clear nail polish

5.) Cover their room with post-it notes

6.) Fill their rooms with red solo cups

7.) Put fake bugs all around their house for them to discover

8.) Change their alarms so they wake up in the middle of the night

9.) Give them donuts filled with mayonnaise


10.) Oreos filled with Toothpaste

11.) Tape a fish to their back

Be like the French and tape fishes to peoples back. An oldie but a goodie and you'll look cultured

Remember that April Fools is all about fun. No one should get hurt because of a prank. Go out there and spread some joy!

Cover Image Credit: Photo by Pineapple Supply Co. on Unsplash

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5 Things To Do On A Snow Day

Make the best of what you got!

Snow days are a lot of fun, whether you're a kid or even an adult! Here are 5 things that you can do on a snow day!

1. Sleep!!

Ahhh yes our favorite thing to do! Snow days call for no work and no school! So take the day to catch up on sleep and just take time to relax!

2. Binge watch movies or TV shows!

These days we may not always have the time to catch up on our favorite TV shows or watch our favorite movies. This is the perfect time to do it!

3. Catch up on some work or homework!

Yes, this may not be everybody's favorite thing to do, but it is an easy way to get things done and not have to stress out over it later!

4. Hang out with your family!

These days everyone's lives go in different directions and you sometimes may not have all the time you would like to spend time with your family. Here is the perfect day to relax and just enjoy each others company. Perfect time to catch up!

5. Have fun and enjoy the snow!

Snow can be fun too! Enjoy it while it's here! Go sledding with friends, build a snowman, have a snow ball fight! Just enjoy it, make the best of it!

Snow is not always everyone's favorite, but you can make it fun and enjoyable! Enjoy your snow days!

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

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