BREAKING NEWS: Thanksgiving Is Lost
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

BREAKING NEWS: Thanksgiving Is Lost

Stop being un-American, and start marketing Thanksgiving.

78
BREAKING NEWS: Thanksgiving Is Lost
https://az616578.vo.msecnd.net/files/2017/11/06/636455948890348144-281634602_o-THANKSGIVING-DINNER-facebook.jpg

BREAKING NEWS: Thanksgiving has been lost.

The aisles have overlooked it, the ads have bypassed it, and the calendar has all but erased it from record. I don't understand. Why is is that society has collectively decided to just forget about Thanksgiving? Why do we jump from promoting Halloween to promoting Christmas? What has Thanksgiving done to deserve the shaft like that?

When I walk into Wal-Mart the day after Halloween and see Christmas trees and wrapping paper everywhere, I'm like:

I mean, really, Thanksgiving is great. Food. Family. Political arguments over the dinner table. Older family members asking what you're doing with your life. What's not to love?

Seriously, though. Why is Thanksgiving so overlooked and under-marketed? I know I'm the first in line for my new cornucopia centerpiece every year. And the hanging gourds are a must-have. I think Thanksgiving should be marketed as a marriage between a dress-up holiday, much like Halloween, and a gift-giving holiday like Christmas. Forget about actually celebrating being thankful and focus on what gift you're receiving from your pilgrim-costume-clad nana. Stop thanking, start soliciting gifts.

I think it's a sham that Thanksgiving is basically the only American holiday untouched by corporate greed and manufactured demand. I mean, how dare we let Thanksgiving actually be about being thankful? That's just so un-American .

We're getting close, though. The idea of being thankful is slowly, but surely, being replaced with the notion that we have to consume, and consume, and consume food until we're literally so sick that we have to go to sleep. So we are almost there. We have almost hit Halloween-level consumption promotion. Well done, America.


Now, if only we could convince the children that shoveling sixty-five Brussels sprouts down their throats is the same as sixty-five Kit Kats, we'd be set for maximum marketability.

Really, I think it is all the kids' faults. Thanksgiving is just too mature for them. And if you can't market to kids, you can't market to anyone. Christmas isn't successful because the adults find joy in spoiling the actual hell out of their children. Christmas is successful because we've convinced ourselves that joy is impossible unless we spoil our children. What better way to spoil a five-year old than with yams and cranberry sauce, amiright?

Seriously, I'm tired of Thanksgiving being so overlooked. It's terrible that we haven't found a way to suck American pockets dry by manufacturing some useless stuff everyone has to have in order to enjoy a holiday and pad the wallets of corporate monkeys to lazy to groom it out of us themselves.

So, here's to making Thanksgiving the next super-market decoration sensation. And Merry Christmas!


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

72666
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

134098
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments