Breaking: City Of Grand Forks Is Discovered Since It Finally Doesn't Have Snow
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Breaking: City Of Grand Forks Is Discovered Since It Finally Doesn't Have Snow

Grand Forks Officials pull out all the stops in asking a wide range of "experts."

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Breaking: City Of Grand Forks Is Discovered Since It Finally Doesn't Have Snow
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"Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit," said the archaeologist, animal scientist, and former NDSU graduate, Ben Digging, as he stopped building his snow cow outside of his fortified igloo in Grand Forks. This scene shocked Digging since he was expecting to find the usual white wasteland he had grown accustomed to for many moons while digging and playing in the snow.

"It was remarkable: there I was, just hard at work in the snow, and boom. I found mud and what resembled grass," Digging said. "We never knew that there was actually ancient that was below all of the snow and ice," Digging said.

It was once believed that the city of Grand Forks was built on a glacier which had created the Red River Valley below the surface of the ice. Little did the archaeologist from NDSU know, it was just a very long winter.

"It just kept happening. Over and over again. It's like the snow just wouldn't stop," Ben Digging said about the long winter that kept pounding Grand Forks with snowstorm after snowstorm.

"At NDSU, we learned a lot about archaeology while getting our degree in animal sciences," Digging said. "But we ended up getting an extra degree in archaeology alongside our animal science degree," Digging continued.

The NDSU graduate went on to tell the tale about how he came up with his double major. "We just had a party one night where we ate a whole box of fruity pebbles and found a certificate redeemable for one free archaeology degree to NDSU as the prize in the box," Ben Digging said. "It was actually pretty neat."

Grand Forks was once believed to be home to lifeforms that could only exist in the cold temperatures. The only avian species that were known to frequent the area were black crows. Now, it appears there are many more species that are coming back to the newly discovered beautiful landscape of Grand Forks.

Along with other avian species, Grand Forks has been experiencing a large infestation of Asian Lady Beetles. They're everywhere, and a lot of people are rather unhappy about it and were saddened that the long drawn out winter didn't kill them all off.

Another problem that the community has been noticing with the long winter and the consequences that came with it, is the massive potholes in the ancient ruins of the old Grand Forks city roads that laid under all of the snow and ice.

One citizen, who chose to remain anonymous, in this article made some comments about the infestation of lady beetles and the potholes. "It almost makes you miss winter," the anonymous patron said. "I mean, the solid snow pack that we had since the plows seemed to never go out, and the lack of Asian beetle presence are completely a step up from what we have going on now," the anonymous citizen stated firmly. "I'm probably going to have to take in my car for shocks already, and my walls have been painted in orange."

City officials went to other sources besides the NDSU graduates to discuss further what may have caused this massively long duration without heat or the sun. They turned to winter studies professional, Jon Snow. Snow, who hails from Winterfell, chuckled when he had heard that people were listening to graduates from NDSU. "Next time, come to people who know what they're talking about," Snow said.

Snow also noted that he could sense what was happening all along. "It's in our nature in Winterfell. We just know when winter is coming, and winter came, and then it went," Jon Snow said.

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