Goooooood morning, Falcons! *cough* it is 5:23 a.m. and you are *cough* dying of the common campus plague. If you're new to this journey of the campus plague allow me to give you the run down.
If you've never gotten the campus plague or you're just new in general, the campus plague is when someone somewhere on campus or even off campus, get's sick and they touch EVERYTHING, and generally, it starts in a residence hall, where that one jackass doesn't want to wash their hands and ends up getting EVERYONE around them sick, faculty, student employees, and peers alike.
But wait, Sadie, I've never had the campus plague, how do I know I have it?
Great question, you really don't know you have it until you are forced to be quarantined from all of your friends and don't even go to class. Meaning, you can wake up with a stuffy nose one day *sniff*, going to your classes and having a grand old time with some friends at Jerome Library, and then you can wake up the next morning and have old man voice, a horrendous cough, can't move because you're so sore, and in some severe cases, be throwing up until about 4 a.m.
Now, there are some things to be said to our fellow classmate that got us to this point *sniff*, and yes, I hope you realize who you are *cough*, you suck. You got us all to this point, and you still probably haven't gone to the Health Center, but that I don't fault you for, they're not the most reliable source of medical care, however, you should still go get SOMETHING checked out. Use hand sanitizer, wash your hands, clean your space up, wash your bedding, DO SOMETHING. All of us students are dying out here, we don't want it any more than you do, so do us all a favor and stay clean.
Now, while all of us are sitting next to a bucket of hand sanitizer and every 30 seconds dipping our hands in it, what can we do to prevent this gross plague from getting to us? Take a multivitamin, they're about six bucks at Walmart, grab some Vitamin C, and yes, you can take more than your 100 percent daily value, because my one tablet has way more than that. Have a hand sanitizer clipped to your keys, your book bag, your purse, your belt loop like you're about to go to a fight at high noon, have it ready. Wash your hands, please, it's gross enough that you're getting everyone else sick, but we can stop the germs right in its tracks, by washing our hands. Don't share drinks, if you know your friend has the campus plague, don't drink after them, because you too will wake up looking like a sickly gremlin.
So, you're sick, there's no hope now, what do you do? Well, staying away from the health center would be a really good bet, you could walk in with a broken limb and they would tell you that it's okay. However, some of us don't have a way to other doctors, which is totally fine, go into the health center and say you want to be tested for strep, tell them your symptoms multiple times, make sure they understand that you don't feel well and that you feel like trash and it is not the good ole' "Upper Respiratory Infection with a cough" that we all get.
So to you, my fellow Falcons, wash your hands, use hand sanitizer, use tissues, and don't drink after one another. May the sickness be ever in your favor and I hope to see some of you healthy during midterms.
