My entire life I was considered "the girl that had no heart." Now, I know that may sound like a bad thing, but it was just the opposite.

Feelings and emotions were things that could never control me, I relied on my brain to make decisions and I could always see my situation in a larger context.

The world never seemed to revolve around me or my feelings, because my feelings were never strong enough to overwhelm me or cloud my judgment.

I didn't suffer from comparing myself to others, from jealousy, from being just plain sad.

Girls have specific words tied to us (words that are not typically used to explain the male gender, for whatever reason) like emotional, PMS, moody, dramatic, sensitive, needy, etc. - all of which having negative connotations.

Well, there may be solid, scientific reasoning behind those words being considered feminine, and no I'm not trying to talk about socially-conceived stereotypes or genders.

I'm talking about birth control.

At the beginning of my freshman year of college, "the girl with no heart" became "the girl with too big of a heart."

There was even a time I specifically remember pulling into the parking garage, seeing a dead squirrel, pulling over and crying my eyes out.

I was crying almost 2 times a day when, before this point in my life, I cried maybe 2 times a year. (OK, that's over exaggerating... I promise I am not really that cold and heartless) but the point is, my emotions were completely out of control.

I thought to myself, "This is the beginning of a new year at a new school with all new people in a new state. This is normal, it will subside."

Then, when it was the end of the first semester I told myself, "I am just stressed from finals, this will subside."

Then it became, "I am just emotional because I am in my first real serious relationship, it will get better."

And eventually, it was me, in the middle of summer, the time I should be most care-free, crying to my mom and begging to see a doctor about what I thought had to be anxiety and depression.

I was right.

Upon being taken to the doctor and taking different tests, I was found to have severe anxiety and moderate depression.

After trying methods such as "grounding myself" and "living in the moment," I decided that taking anti-depressants would be the best fit for me and my constantly-on-edge body and mind.

Recently, upon old information resurfacing in a new light, I have discovered that birth control is known to cause "mood disruptions," which is a very fragile, sneaky way of saying MAY CAUSE DEPRESSION, but without getting the drug companies in trouble.

And after reading these articles I realized that at the exact time I began taking the pill, was when I start to have these disturbances.

http://www.health.com/health/condition-article/0,,...

Here I am, medicated on two things, taking two pills every single day of my life and having near heart attacks if I accidentally miss either one, fearing not only irregular periods and acne, but panic attacks and emotional episodes.

Then to find out that the first pill was the whole reason I am even having to take the second pill at all..? Horrific!

It has been just over two weeks since I decided to stop taking my birth control, so that I may no longer be 'medicated' and what beautiful timing it has been as articles have been blowing up about a new male birth control.

This is an injection given every 8 weeks (just want to point out how much more convenient that is than a pill every single day) and has a few side effects, one of them being 'mood disruptions.'

However, this groundbreaking form of birth control has been stopped in its tracks as the males concluded that these risks outweighed the benefits.

.....

?!

https://www.thecrimson.com/column/femme-fatale/art...

This is an outrage to me, as a girl who lived a very normal life before being prescribed hormonal birth control, told about mild side effects, and then continuing to live my first year of college in fear of anything my mind could come up with.

This is an outrage to me, as a girl who stopped treating PCOS and risking damage in my body, just so I can go back to feeling like the person I used to be.

I, however, am grateful this news has been published because it is bringing light to the fact that women have been suffering for centuries, and the fact that women should not be the only factor in preventing pregnancies. After all, it takes two to tango.

I am praying that this sheds light on a very serious problem and that scientists will finally start to create a safe way for women to have lighter periods, less ferocious cramps, combat infertility, and so on, without sacrificing chemical imbalance and disruption in our brains.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/290196.ph...

It seems to me like there is a clear connection.

Depression is the leading cause of disability among U.S. adults age 15-44 and by 2020 depression will be the second leading cause of death behind heart disease.

Something needs to be done about the tie between birth control, a pill that 98% of women in the US have used and 12 million people are currently using, and mental illness.

#GirlPower