"Seinfeld" is quite possibly the greatest television show ever, and to narrow the list down felt impossible. But here are my 10 best episodes of "Seinfeld."
"The Face Painter"
Yeah, that's right. Elaine is with her on-and-off boyfriend David Puddy, who is a really big fan of the New Jersey Devils, so much so he paints his face and gets riled up for games. GO DEVILS!!!!! Kramer has an actual feud with a chimp, and George isn't aware he told his girlfriend he loves her in her deaf ear. Just a normal day in New York City.
"The Bottle Deposit"
Throughout the show, Kramer and Newman tag team in elaborate plots, and none are as big as this one. Kramer and Newman plan to pull off a scheme where they head to Michigan because bottles are recycled for 10 cents apiece there compared to 5 in many other places. Jerry loses his car to Brad Garrett as if it were a woman, and Elaine accidentally spends $20,000 of J. Peterman's money on an old set of JFK's golf clubs.
Not many episodes take place outside of New York, but in this episode, the gang heads to the Hamptons, where George thinks he's going to see his girlfriend naked for the first time, but it turns out she's pretty proud of her body. This leads to George's famous line about shrinkage, where he says "I WAS IN THE POOL!" And we can't forget about Kramer actually taking lobster out of the trap and getting in trouble for it.
This is one of the best George Costanza episodes. In this episode, George decides to give up sex completely, and it works wonders for him. Suddenly he's an intellectual who knows how to do basically anything-- even give Derek Jeter of the Yankees some batting lessons. He picks up some Portuguese only to lose his intelligence after having sex again with a Portuguese waitress.
This one is one of my personal favorites. George always does everything wrong, so one day he decides to change everything in his routine, and somehow it works. Chicken salad on rye with potato salad and a cup of tea ends up getting him a date with an attractive woman and a job with the New York Yankees. Not a bad day at the office.
This episode probably wouldn't fly in 2018. Well, Donald Trump might approve of it. Anyway, Jerry and George get in a limo meant for this guy named O'Brien, and it's heading to Madison Square Garden, where there happens to be a Knicks game that night. Too bad George impersonates O'Brien, so he ends up impersonating... a neo-nazi. It ends up as an intense moment for the gang while held at gunpoint, one of the most dramatic scenes in a usually light-hearted show.
"The Chinese Restaurant"
I'll never forget the first time I watched this episode because I too was eating Chinese food. Or, at least I was eating. Jerry and the gang never actually got to eat. The entire episode took place inside the Chinese restaurant where each of the main characters had some kind of predicament going in their lives outside the restaurant. And then at the end, the host famously says "Seinfeld, four!"
"The Soup Nazi"
I love soup now, and honestly, it's because of the Soup Nazi. Jerry and George go to this soup restaurant where the Soup Nazi makes customers enter the restaurant, order and pay in an extreme military-like fashion. But Elaine breaks all these rules and is as informal as possible to which the Soup Nazi says the famous line "No Soup For You!" But at the end, Elaine gets her revenge by stealing the Soup Nazi's soup recipes.
"The Cigar Store Indian"
Seinfeld is known for having multiple plots coming together at the end, and this one may have done the best job at that. Jerry is trying to impress Elaine's friend, who just happens to be Native American. But he makes the mistake of gifting Elaine a... cigar store Indian. Yikes. And then we find out about Frank Costanza's TV Guide obsession, which is ruined by Elaine and a creepy man on the subway who also loves the Guide.
Ah, the contest. A controversial episode in the day where the main cast had a contest to see who could go the longest without masturbation without actually saying the word. The four begin the contest and see a naked woman across the street, and Kramer is out after an hour of the contest. Everyone figured Elaine would cruise at least through the spring, but John F. Kennedy Jr. had other plans. George had a hard time containing himself in the hospital where he was visiting his mother, who walked in on him at the beginning.