What It Felt Like Going Through Life As An Ambivert

My Life As A Self Proclaimed Ambivert Has Resulted In My Personal Growth and Happiness

In different situations, I had learned to act differently and it became exhausting.

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Think you look pretty today? I bet your mirror begs to differ. This happens to be one of the many witty comments I say to my kind, supportive friends on a daily basis. Why? Being witty is one of the few ways I know to put an instant smile on someone's face, no matter the kind of day they have had. It was also my way of expressing my jovial nature. But I was not always like this.

I grew up as an only child in a secluded neighborhood for the majority of my childhood. My parents would often be too busy with work to engage with me, and this eventually transformed me into a very shy child.

In first grade, I was the most silent kid in my class. Opening my mouth and speaking up was a rarity. I had an irrational fear of speaking to strange people, so the easiest solution, from my point of view, was to stay quiet no matter who spoke to me. Do not get me wrong, I was a hyper, overeager child back then but only at home around my parents. At school, my tight-lipped alter ego took a hold of the reigns. Then I realized that when I did not speak, people failed to notice me.

I remember there was also another girl named Riley in my class who was my polar opposite; she laughed loudly, cracked jokes every minute and could make anyone like her within a few minutes with her natural charm. I observed the way she could break through stone-like expressions and create large smiles that reflected throughout the room. I then realized that I no longer wanted to maintain my facade and wanted to appear to be as good-natured as Riley.

My transformation from shy little girl to boisterous adolescent took a large amount of time. I had to crawl out of the shell that had been stuck to my back for all of elementary school. I forced myself to make small talk with others and even do what I thought to be the impossible: tell a joke. I remember that no one laughed at my first pathetic attempt, but I continued to pester my friends with my pitiful humor until I could see them laugh. Today, they groan in feigned annoyance, but I know they appreciate my light-hearted digs.

Eventually, things started to look my way. My peers started to get past my tough exterior and understand me well, and I eventually fell on their radar. In fifth grade, I was even voted "Best Journalist," an indication that I had finally distinguished myself in a way that I had not before.

Today, I am happy to say that I have achieved a healthy balance when it comes to my personality. I regularly spend quality times with my good friends, but other times I am content to just curl up with a book and a cup of tea. You could find me loud, laughing and yelling when I am excited or quietly listening to music during one of my tranquil moments. Instead of being just yin or just yang, I was both.

Every once in awhile, I can feel my old inhibitions, my old state of mind bubble back up to the surface and force me to say silent amid a sea of people, but pushing those feelings back has gotten easier with time. Now, I can confidently walk into the room, look each person in the eye and express how I feel when I want to.

My journey to becoming an ambivert was finally complete, and I'm better of for it.

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How To Stop Being The Toxic Person That You Would Normally Cut Out Of Your Own Life

It's so much easier to pin a problem on someone else than it is to look deep within yourself and take responsibility for the things that you've done. But that's all part of growing up.

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I'm sure you've heard it before...

"Cut someone out of your life if they negatively impact your mental health."

"You need to cut off friends, family, anyone that is bad for you and your future."

"You will be so much better off once _____ is gone from your life."

At this point in your life, you've probably cut off one or more people who you believed weren't good for you. You were prioritizing yourself, and that meant letting go of someone, regardless of the memories, bond, and love that you had for them. It was probably difficult, but somewhere down the line, you knew that you did what was best for you. And you stood by that decision.

But how many times have you been the problem?

How many times have you sat down and took the time to analyze a situation, only to come to the conclusion that YOU'RE the one that's messing up? And that if you changed x, y, and z, you could save or help your relationship with your friend, family member, or significant other.

Probably not very often.

It's so much easier to pin a problem on someone else than it is to look deep within yourself and take responsibility for the things that you've done. But that's all part of growing up. At some point, I hope you realize that you weren't so perfect either, after all. And when you do, this is what I want you to think about:

We all go through different phases of our lives, and it's okay to understand and acknowledge that this phase doesn't represent the best version of yourself. Character development isn't a strict upward slope, where you start off being a shitty, underdeveloped, immature person, but then progress into being an angel. There are going to be ups and downs. There are going to be moments where you're really disappointed in yourself, and can't believe that you let yourself slip up to that degree. We all have flaws, we all make mistakes. But also all have so much potential.

As long as you're willing to put in the effort to change (because everyone around you deserves that), then you're on the right track. And I'm proud of you for having the emotional maturity to self reflect and be better. That's the first step.

And the next step is going to involve putting everything you're saying into practice. I can't promise you that it's going to be easy. And I can't promise you that you're going to drastically permanently change overnight. If I did, I would be lying. But what I can promise you is that everything you're going to do will be worth it in the long run. I hope that's enough of a reason to dig deep for a new you.

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The Top 3 Things I Learned This Summer About Clean Eating

Clean eating is one of the most essential parts of self-care for transforming your life because it completely acknowledges your biological human nature.

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This summer was a journey and a learning experience for me regarding clean eating. Throughout the school year, I had always planned to change my eating habits and form a new, cleaner diet. I never got around to it with exams and stress, so I put this self-improving task in the back of my mind to follow through with on the first day of summer.

When the first day of summer came, I did not procrastinate and began my journey. After taking multiple trips to my local supermarket, seeing countless recipes, and demolishing cravings, I had learned valuable lessons that will encompass my life, and I will be mindful of them whenever I eat. To understand the differences and shift in my thinking from before making a conscious effort to eat well, I should state the primary goals I had before starting. My previous goal was simply to look leaner and were physical in nature.


1. Eating dictates energy.

It only makes sense that our biological human bodies thrive off of the energy our minds give it. This energy comes from food, obviously. We have more energy when we give our digestive system a "break" or when we are "gentle" on it. What I mean by this is that adding leafy greens to your diet can aid the digestion process and can make it run more smoothly. When eating clean and whole foods, I had more energy.

2. Marketing and the food industry are sometimes very misleading.

Many things that claim to be healthy are actually not. The ingredients list and the nutrition facts are the most essential parts when a consumer determines if a food is clean or not. Throughout this process, I had to be very articulate and detailed in finding the exact truth of what it was that I was putting into my body. It is very easy, I had learned, to pick something up with healthy-looking packaging simply out of convenience.

3. Cooking is always better than buying.

Cooking your own food at home may be tough and a hassle, but it is completely worth it. When you cook your own food, you know exactly what is in your food, while buying food doesn't inspire this sense of trust. Store-bought food can and usually is processed to ensure a long shelf-life.

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