To the three people that lost me as a friend,
I thought you should know that I blame myself for it. I blame myself for getting too invested with you.
My mother always told me that you can't trust anyone. She always told me that people will stab you in the back and take advantage of you and your worth.
I never thought I'd see the day where the three of you did that to me.
It must have been so easy for you, right?
Normally, I'd be nice enough to reach out to you, hoping that you're safe and well during this pandemic, because I still care about you guys. That's how I am as a person, yet it's clear you guys are the heartless ones. The '808s & Heartbreak' fan would know. However, it's not like you haven't done the same for me. Thank you for proving to me that I never mattered to you. I guess I only mattered to you when you needed me the most, and there I was so gullible believing that we'd be long-term friends.
You know who you are, so once you read, it shouldn't come as a surprise. It shouldn't come as an offense. Unlike you, I have valid reasons to be mad, even if it was 2 months ago. This is just my healing process.
You told me that you couldn't be the friend I wanted you to be, but all I ever wanted was for you to be genuine with me. It sucks the most coming from you, because we connected so fast. From those wacky English classes we took semesters ago, to the alcoholic drinks I'd sneak into my room for you when you weren't 21 yet, I was there. Who was there during your boy troubles when you weren't bold enough to make a move? Me. Who was always your number one supporter in your endeavors? Me.
I can say, though, I'm mad at you the least. At least you had the balls to state your truth, even if it wasn't true in the sense. You told me that you wanted nothing but happiness for me, and that's why you're the first I addressed. So, thank you for doing what the other two didn't do.
I thought we were good. After all the things that transpired between us for no reason at all, I thought we were good. I respected you and enjoyed your personality, and thought you were super cool, and maybe I wasn't your friend. Maybe I was trying too hard to be. The same week we got along, was the same week you chose your side and decided to kick me to the curb. You blocked me on Twitter once you had the chance, and yet you still slither around my Instagram and Facebook knowing you can do the same thing.
Maybe if you told me not to take the decision you made personal, I would have been less livid. You never cared and I guess it is what it is. Thank you for not being real with me. It made me trust people even less.
You're the last person I ever thought would leave me behind. A year ago, you were the person that made me feel welcome and kept me around. You were like a brother to me. I was your top supporter and you and I both know that. Maybe I shouldn't have ran over to your place for cups of tea and sour-note guitar tunes. Maybe I shouldn't have took you to the bars on your 21st, or listened to your problems when you needed someone to depend on. But I did, and as much as you probably want to avoid me, you can't avoid this truth. I always had your back and always kept it real with you. Why was it so hard for you do that with me? Are you used to having fake friends tell you what you want to hear? If that's so, then maybe I'm glad you chose to cut me off when you thought it was beneficial for you.
Maybe I shouldn't have been too attached, thinking that I'd leave college with a potential best man, because I thought we understood each other. I deserve closure, because you were the one that ruined me the most. Thank you for being the root of all of my hurt and anger.
The hurt and pain varies from each of you. They say people come and go, but it doesn't hurt for me to admit that I'm not over it. I never will be, because what you did was wrong. I can't hate you forever, but in order for me to repair my worth, this has to be said.
A true friend