People say that the Earth is so big and that you will never be alone because you will always cross paths with different people every single day and make new connections. However, that still does not mean that you are never alone.
Two weeks ago, I went out to have dinner with some friends of mine and suddenly one of my friends had asked me what my biggest fear or phobia was?
Being the coward that I am, I am easily scared of a lot of things: heights, darkness, haunted houses, rodents, cockroaches etc.
But the answer that came out of my mouth was "the fear of being alone" (which I had later found out that its official name was autophobia).
This fear I have is not the fear of not being in a relationship but it is the fear of nobody hearing your cry of help when you need them the most or that nobody is there for share your joy with you. It doesn't mean being physically alone but it is the feeling without a mental connection towards the ones around you. And lately, this fear has been taking over me.
I personally enjoy taking walks whether it be long or short but lately, as I walk down the streets of New York alone, I feel a huge void within my heart. The emptiness and loneliness within me are so overpowering that I quickly backtrack my steps and head back to my room. Things don't turn out terribly well when I am back in my room as well, the room may be silent, my phone may be silent but my mind is not. The thoughts of how lonely and pathetic I am starting to take control in my mind.
You know that feeling when you just want a hug from someone? That is what I am feeling when this fear takes over me, I just want someone to be there for me: to listen to my worries and maybe laugh it all away later on. I just want someone who could be there to cheer me on and be there for me. It doesn't have to be a significant other, all you have to be is just you. The best and shiniest version of you.
No more worries, no more fears, just laughing through the endless night beneath the stars.
