Hey.
I just want to say thank you.
I wouldn't have appreciated life the way I do if you were here. I wouldn't cherish relationships the same if you were here. I wouldn't want better for myself if you were here and more importantly, I wouldn't be as forgiving, caring and loving if you were here.
You ruined my childhood though.
Every single waking moment of my life I would wonder what was wrong with me and why I didn't deserve my parent's love.
You don't deserve my love.
I wasted my childhood, time and energy in trying to have a relationship with you and lost pieces of my heart when you rejected me.
Multiple times.
I was angry at people who had no-decision in you leaving. I was mad at myself for being the way I was at nine years old. I wanted to die every single moment I was awake. I lived with anger and anxiety thinking that everyone around me had a mind like you. I had severe depression and was sure that the way I would die would be from suicide. I hated my life because you weren't apart of it.
How could someone that helped create me, hate me?
You, you killed many of my relationships, but you also strengthened many of them so thank you. Thank you for giving me the strength to move on with my life, I had to find strength, strength that helped me in my darkest times. The strength that I know I have to this day, I'm not scared of any obstacle. If I know I could pull my 16-year-old self out of that dark place that you created, I know I can pull myself out of anything now that I'm in my 20s. Thank you for teaching me to see the light in all my relationships. Thank you for teaching me about forgiveness because, boy, did I have to forgive you a million times. Thank you for showing me what I want in life and showing me that I don't have to settle for less.
You made me a woman without you being there.
I don't want to give you the satisfaction that you ruined my life, instead, I want to thank you for teaching me how precious life is. It wasn't easy but I got through it. I think about you often and only wish you good things in life.
So, to my parent who didn't want me, it's mutual now but in a loving way. I no longer WANT you in my life. I'm content with the people I have and myself. Thank you for bringing me into this world. Life gets better from here.
