Labels. Like them or not, they are a part of our society today. Gender, race, age, sexual orientation, etc. Some of these are easy to figure out, some are a bit more difficult. Your probably asking yourself "Well Matt, what is the most difficult label to give myself?" That's a good question. The most difficult label to assign yourself is whether you are a chocolate chip cookie or an oatmeal raisin cookie. Most philosophers have stayed awake for weeks at a time, just trying to figure out what cookie they would be. Many formulas and methods of science were used to try to figure this out. Now you're probably asking yourself "Gee Matt, if philosophers couldn't figure out what type of cookie they are, how am I supposed to know what type of cookie I am?" Fear not people, for I have figured out a method to tell you what cookie you are. All you have to do is take this little test that I have concocted. Answer "A," "B," or "C" for every question, but make sure you keep track of what you answer. Keep a tally. You'll need it to see what type of cookie you are.
Question 1: You are sitting in the sun on an abnormally hot day. How are you feeling?
A. I feel like I'm melting!
B. I feel like a grape, shriveling in the sun!
C. None of the above
Question 2: Are you afraid of monsters?
A. Yes! Haven't you seen The Babadook? That's spooooky.
B. Yes and no. I believe the only true monsters are humans.
C. None of the above
Question 3: Which was the worst Shrek movie?
A. Shrek the Third. They just weren't trying that hard in this one.
B. Shrek Forever After. Talk about milking a series for all it's got!
C. None of the above.
Question 4: You want some cereal today. Which cereal do you grab?
A. Coco-Puffs
B. Raisin Bran, with some yummy strawberries
C. None of the above
Question 5: Uh-oh! Today is your wedding day and you forgot to book a band! Who do you book?
A. Bowling For Soup. They can sing all three of their songs.
B. Take the mic, and show everyone why your spouse chose you.
C. None of the above
Question 6: Your child wants a toy. What do you do?
A. Spray your child with a hose and tell him/her to get a job.
B. Buy the toy, then bribe your child with it so you won't have to do the bad chores around the house.
C. None of the above
Question 7: You receive a bad looking haircut from the barber. What do you do?
A. Say nothing and invest in a nice hat.
B. Give the barber a "quality haircut." That'll show 'em!
C. None of the above
Question 8: You notice your collection of antique scissors has shrunk substantially. Who do you accuse?
A. My parents. I lived in their house and ate all of their food for a long time. Those scissors can not only repay for all of the food, it'll pay for all of the property damage you have done to the house and the emotional damage you have given your parents.
B. My friends. They've always been jealous of my scissors. I always see them staring at them, plotting.
C. None of the above.
Question 9: You order chicken fingers at a Mexican restaurant. They are not on par with the other chicken fingers you tend to eat. What is your first thought?
A. "All I ask for is quality chicken fingers, but I can't even get that. Sigh."
B. "Well this restaurant is getting a poor Yelp review tonight."
C. None of the above.
Question 10: It's snack time! What are you eating?
A. Ideally, a Dorito's Loco Taco from my neighborhood Taco Bell (Nacho Cheese flavor).
B. A nice fruit salad, then a Slim Jim.
C. None of the above
There it is folks! A nice easy test to see what type of cookie you are. Now grab your tally sheets. We're gonna see who's who.
If you answered "A" for all/most of these questions, you are:
A chocolate chip cookie!
Wow! You're adventurous, cool, and smart! Or maybe you're not. I'm not sure. I might not know you too well and I don't want to make assumptions. Maybe you're just a nasty, no-fun person to be around. Who knows? (Also, you always get streaks of chocolate on your hand, no matter how carefully you eat the cookie... this has nothing to do with the quiz, just venting).
If you answered "B" for all/most of these questions, you are:
An oatmeal raisin cookie!
Wow! You're adventurous, cool, and smart! Or maybe you're not. I'm not sure. I might not know you too well and I don't want to make assumptions. Maybe you're just a nasty, no-fun person to be around. Who knows?
If you answered "C" for all/most of these questions, you are:
Broccoli.
You must be a real funny guy/gal. You probably thought it would be hilarious to not pick one of the real choices on this quiz. Well guess what Carlos Mencia? You're broccoli. I hope the joke was worth it and you're happy. Fool.
Thanks for taking the quiz! I hope this helped!
