I've got a form of anxiety and I'd like to say mild depression, but I can't confirm either of those.

I've had a panic attack at work because it felt like everything was going wrong and I couldn't fix it fast or right. In that moment I wanted to break down and cry. But I didn't. I stayed standing and worked through the end of that shift. My work friends were worried about me because I had my Bluetooth speaker blasting loud music, but I wasn't trying to block them out, I was trying to block out the thoughts in my head that were threatening to drag me under.

I can tell when I'm getting bad again and it usually starts with me not eating as much because I don't have the energy to cook myself anything. Then it turns into me not doing laundry or cleaning the space around me because I just don't have the motivation or drive to do it.

At that point, I'm spending most of my spare time in bed or playing ridiculous games on my phone. I'm not leaving the house unless I'm going to work. My family almost never noticed it or when they did they just assumed I was working too much. I tell my boyfriend part of the story, but never get to tell it fully because my brain psyches me out of it.

My anxiety prevents me from doing so much when it's hitting me in full force. I hate it. I want to go out and do stuff, but then I freak out because I don't know what to do and when I do know what to do the plans change and then I'm back at square one.

Anxiety isn't a laughing matter, it's something that many people live with on a daily basis. Some people take medication for it and others don't because they don't realize they have it.

Many people think if you're talking to yourself or out loud to the voices in your head, you're crazy. Studies have proven that if a person talks to themself they are intelligent because they are trying to verbally work through the problem they are facing.

I talk to myself out loud when I'm working on something or thinking too much about something because it helps me work through the problem. When I'm talking to my demons in my head or the devil on my shoulder, I sort of get lost in the real world. I'm very likely staring off into space and I don't hear your voice calling my name trying to get my attention.

At that point, I'm trying very hard not to start crying or to walk out of work if for no other reason than the fact that my demons are berating me and telling me I'm not good enough or that I should kill myself (Yes, I've had a thought in my head telling me that). I don't listen to them because I know what's good for me and what I have to do to feel better.

In order to feel better I have to be around people that make me smile or laugh. It's the only way I'll stop thinking those horrible thoughts. That's why my family and friends are so important to me. They make me feel better.