For the past year or so, I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression. For the longest time, I didn’t realize that what I had been feeling and experiencing was a mental health issue. For an even longer time, I didn’t want to admit that it was an issue at all.
“It’s OK, just look at the positives” or “think happy thoughts” were things I would often hear or things that I would resort to on a crippling day. The longer my problems persisted, the more I heard these mantras and, at the same time, the less they did to help me feel better.
The problem is, you can’t just think happy to be happy. That’s not how it works, and I learned it the hard way. Positive thinking alone doesn’t do anything to help you overcome a struggle or reach a goal.
Often times, if I was having an overwhelming day and felt unable to do my work, I would just tell myself, “it’s OK, it’ll happen” or “this isn’t so bad — you’ve seen worse days before.”
When I felt so sad to the point of crying at least once a day, or constantly feeling unsatisfied with myself, I would just resort to that same type of rhetoric. “Hey, maybe you’re incredibly sad all the time, but think about the good things! This will go away, just be patient.”
And what resulted from me thinking like this? Only negative outcomes. Practicing optimism didn’t lead me to live a more positive life — it just made me become more and more complacent with my problems and intensified my unhealthy behaviors.
However, through a long and continuous path of healing, I’ve realized that what does work is taking action. If you’re unhappy, explore why you are and take the initiative to make a change. If you’re overwhelmed, take a breath and do something that centers you.
Realizing that action was essential for change in my life gave me the strength to take charge myself instead of waiting for the outcomes I needed to happen on their own. It gave me the courage to seek professional help. It empowered me to end damaging relationships and, instead, seek ones that bring out the best in me. It gave me the direction I needed to ditch optimism and take up a lifestyle that actually helps me find authentic joy.
Most importantly, I’ve learned how essential it is to allow yourself to feel and stay in-tune with your body and mind. Whether you may be feeling genuine happiness or something icky like sadness or anxiousness, let yourself experience those feelings — don’t bury them. Pushing aside your true emotions in any moment and masking them with false optimism is sure to only exacerbate that negative feeling or experience.
Relying on optimism to heal, overcome a challenge or reach a goal is merely wishful thinking. Maybe believing that things will work out is comforting in the moment, but it does absolutely nothing to create tangible results.
When nothing changes, nothing changes. If you want something to happen, you must make it happen.
