This is a new series I want to try out... It's called "Angels on Earth." When I see people who are inspirations to a large portion of the population, I want to honor them with an article. If this article is received well, then I will do another one. So here we go.
"Survive, if I let you." This was said by a former ECW wrestler named Taz. It has always been one of my favorite quotes. Just hearing those words can make anyone's spine tingle. The only problem was, there was never anybody dangerous enough to be allowed to say these words. Sure, Taz was a tough guy in the ring, but how would he do in real-life situations? All my life, I searched for someone who was tough enough to realistically use this quote. Luckily for me, a normal day of watching tv was just enough to end my search.
My dad used to watch a television show called Pawn Stars. It was a show where people go into a pawn shop and try to sell interesting items. Nothing too strange, just a show that presented cool merchandise. I watched an episode with my dad one day, and right from the start, I noticed something. There was a man who looked like he never took crap from anyone. A man who doesn't care what society says... he's doing his own thing. This man's name? Chumlee.
When Chumlee was born, he was given the fake name of Austin Lee Russell. Obviously, this was a cover up to protect Chumlee from the government. You see, the United States government was on the look out for someone to fulfill their prophecy. Their prophecy is written on the wall of the oval office, stating that in 1982, a protector of world named Chumlee would be born. Chumlee's mother knew of this prophecy and was ready to donate her baby to the White House, but when she looked at Chumlee, she knew that though he would have the power to save the world, it might not be a good fit for him. For he also looked like a guy who would be a really good worker in a pawn shop. Therefore, she gave Chumlee a fake name, and successfully protected Chumlee from the government.
When Chumlee was a lad, he became friends with Corey Harrison (No relation to George Harrison). Corey's father, Rick, and grandfather, Old Man, owned a pawn shop. As the boys grew, they gained the opportunity to become employed by Rick. Soon, their pawn shop became famous and the workers gained their own tv show about the shop. This launched Chumlee into fame, with the likes of Morgan Freeman, Jennifer Aniston, Rob Schneider, and the such. Sure enough, the government eventually took notice. This is where the troubles started.
On March 9th, 2016, Chumlee was arrested for drug possession. The strange thing is, since Chumlee is superior to a normal human being, drugs do not effect him and are ok for him. Clearly, the government didn't care and they sent the cops after him anyway. Some of the drugs found were Marijuana, Crystal Meth, and Xanax. These drugs are considered medical for Chumlee. Fortunately, Chumlee was released on bond. The government was foiled and decided that Chumlee was unattainable. He is just too darn cool. Things were ok.
If you are still asking how Chumlee is worthy of the quote I mentioned earlier, then you clearly weren't paying attention to the article. I'll just leave you with with two interesting tidbits. 1. Chumlee currently is running a candy store called Chumlee's Candy on the Boulevard. 2. Chumlee is an expert on pinball machines, video games, and shoes, the trifecta of danger. If you know anyone more badass then that, then you're lying to yourself.
Thanks for reading!
