A few weeks ago, a friend of mine asked me what I thought was the hardest part of a relationship and I contemplated the answer for a while. I was at first alarmed because she asked me of all people who hasn't been in a relationship in a while and two because I think there's been a certain stigma around me that I'm not into relationships right now.

I answered her question carefully and proceeded to say that the hardest part of a relationship is the work you have to do on yourself first. It's the knowing what makes you happy without a relationship, knowing who you are without one, knowing that if someone was to come in your life and then walk out of your life that you'll eventually be okay, knowing that beforehand if someone isn't up to your standards you don't have to entertain them, it's teaching yourself how to communicate and how you want to be communicated with.

Most importantly, it's getting to know yourself in God and believing in His timing.

These were all things that I had to grow through and discover about myself. I really hesitated to write this article because writing about my dating life is very personal to me and you never know how your message is going to convey to your audience especially because I rarely talk about my dating life on social media, let alone a journalistic platform, but it's always something I've wanted to share my opinions about. This article doesn't as much pin-point exactly why I'm single more as to detail how I'm growing within my singleness.

If you ask my friends why I'm single they will tell you the reason I'm single is that I actively avoid men and that when one does catch my eye I look for a reason I can't talk to them (like they end up being a Dallas Cowboy fan) (this is a joke). Which maybe I am guilty of these things, but I'm a little more careful with my heart these days because I really understood what I bring to the table when it came to relationships. I understand I take an active roll in my dating life and that a lot of times what I attract is the energy I'm giving out.

I have a running list in my notes on my phone of things I want in a man. It doesn't have 'over 6 ft', 'good taste in music' and 'must tolerate binge watching Vampire Diaries', but I put things that I knew catered to my soul and what I wanted my relationship to be like when I finally decided to get in one. There's personal things on that list that showcase how I've been adapting through my journey with love. There's things on there that might not make sense to everyone, but it will most importantly make sense to me.

I also have a list of goals for myself in my notes and I made a promise to myself a long time ago that if anything/anyone ever disrupted my path towards my goals it wasn't worth staying. I like lists. I like writing things down. I like the idea of having things in place and knowing that I'm going somewhere because if someone decides to come or leave I'm still going. This applies with friendships too. Having your goals written down is like harboring your dreams to reality.

So in truth, singleness isn't just about preparing for your next relationship. You were somebody way before you got into your first relationship. You'll be somebody before your next relationship.

There are so many components and aspects to your life to explore in a season of singleness. It's not just picking up a new hobby, but figuring out what makes you tick, happy, sad, etc.

So yes, the hardest part of a relationship is the work you have to do on yourself first, but it can also be the best part when you realize how much your identity is worth outside of a relationship.