Do you have any idea how long I've been wanting to write to you? Do you know just how long I've sat here trying to get the courage to let you know how I feel? I miss you. I miss my best friend. I miss our talks and our walks and our porch nights. I miss sitting in the car and talking about our lives, and the moon. And I miss being stupid, being kids. I miss everything we always did, even if it was nothing at all... Or cuddling and watching some Katherine Hiegel movie. I miss you talking to my mother about your problems, and drinking with my family. I miss our times and how close we are.
I don't miss you taking 5 years to do everything, or how you used to forget about our plans. I don't miss you telling me how horrible my relationship was... when really it was mine and I cherished it. I don't miss the guilt trips when things didn't go your way I don't miss our fights. I don't miss losing you for months at a time and then things being perfect all over again. I don't miss feeling like I was in your shadow all the time. I wasn't me to others, i was your friend. I don't miss being misjudged, and mistreated because you were the popular one.
But god how I miss the way we could relate, and talk. I haven't had a friend like you in all my life. And I'm not sure anybody will ever get that from me. I would have traveled the world for your friendship. I miss it so much, but I don't even know how to fix it. All these years later we try and we push, but it never feels like enough. You've moved on with your life, as you always had... and I stayed behind. And you've replaced me, left me, lost me, forgotten me, gotten over it.
I'm so jealous. I want the life we imagined together.
I don't want to keep being the friend you left behind.