Dear Best Friend,

I've sat down and tried to write this letter to you a million times but I just couldn't bring myself to do so. But here I am sitting in front of this laptop screen and punching away at the keys getting everything off my chest because I just can't hold it in any longer.

I'm hurt.. And you're probably wondering why. You have made me feel like I do not matter in your life. And this isn't the first time I've felt like this either. The first time was when your boyfriend went off to basic training. You shut me out. I heard from you here and there but once he got back all communication stopped. And at first I thought it was okay. I didn't need to talk to you everyday to make our friendship mean something. Because it was something, right? I would start to only hear from you when things weren't going so well with you and your boyfriend (And now that I think about it I wasn't the one that would hear from you at all. You'd hit up my boyfriend and ask him what we were doing instead) then when it would get great again between you and your boyfriend you'd disappear again.

But then the break up between you and him came and I got that text/call asking what my plans were and what I was doing because you wanted to hang out. And I let you come back with open arms. Comforting you, telling you how much of a piece of shit he was, and doing everything that a best friend should do. We picked up right where we left off and it's was great. We were inseparable.

Then the time came for my boyfriend to move back to Michigan and I was heart broken. But you were there to pick up the pieces. You checked on me every day, dried my tears, and made sure that I never felt alone. I can say that you really did a lot for me in that time that I could never repay you for. I'm so beyond grateful that you were there for me and made sure that I felt loved no matter what. You allowed me to vent out my frustrations about other friendships that I had a hard time dealing with and you never got tired of hearing about it (if you did you never showed it). So to make you and myself feel better we'd go out to our favorite club and dance the night away. We'd laugh, drink and just forget about our problems. And I couldn't of had a better time with anybody else.

But then you met someone new. And I was truly happy for you. You were taking things slow and making sure you got this time right. My boyfriend came down for a week and all four of us got to hang out that whole weekend and it was fun. But then it came time for my boyfriend to fly back to Michigan and I was upset all over again. And yet again you were around to make sure I was okay. And I was. But it was also because I had something to look forward too. Halloween. It wasn't going to be the same because my boyfriend wasn't going to be there to dress up with me but you assured me it was going to be okay because you'd dress up with me. So we decided what duo we were going to be. But the week we were supposed to go out and match for Halloween you bailed because of money problems and I completely understood. But then the night of the Halloween party you tell me that you and your new boyfriend ended up going to a Halloween party so you had to end up buying stuff for your costume anyways. And to be honest, that hurt. But I understood it was a last minute thing. It happens to everyone, right? So I let it go.

After that incident a week goes by and I don't really hear from you, other than when I asked you if you were still going to celebrate my birthday weekend with me and you said “we'll see". Which hurt my feelings a little bit because we had planned my birthday almost a couple weeks before Halloween and you told me you wouldn't miss it for the world. And now I'm getting a we'll see? For your birthday I got off work early rushes home to get ready and ubered downtown so I could celebrate with you. Not to mention that it was my last 20 dollars that I needed to get gas so I could get to and from work till payday. But I was willing and wanting to do that for you because you were one of my best friends.

After hearing you say we'll see to my birthday celebrations I was kinda already crushed. My expectations were low on you sticking to our plans on going to the festival together. Which low and behold you didn't. Instead you went with your boyfriend and his friends. And to make matters worse you parked right down the street from my house. Didnt think twice about me. Which is fine, it is what it is. But what isn't fine were the events that transpired that night....

Both you and your boyfriend looked right at me, he smiled; you just looked and walked right on by me. No “HEY! how's it going?" Or “OH MY GOD HEY!" And a giant hug. You just kept walking; Like I was some stranger you would walk past in the street..

I consider myself to be a very strong person. I don't really let people see when I'm hurting because I don't want to burden them with my problems. But that night... I walked home. Alone. Crying because my heart was broken. By someone I considered to be one of my two best friends...

And maybe I should've seen this coming, right? Maybe I should've been expecting it, because even though I opened up to you about how it made me feel that you ghosted me the first time with your other boyfriend that maybe this time would've been different. But I was wrong. I had never felt more alone than I did that night. You made me feel insignificant. Like I didn't matter. Like I was only there for you to text or call me when you had no one else.. and that's not how friendships should be. At all.

I don't ever wanna feel that way again. Ever. And that's why I have to let you go. Not because I don't love you as a person. But because I deserve better than that feeling.. you abandoned me as a friend.. and that's something I never wanna feel again.

I don't hate you. I could never. I think if you ever called me up at 3 am telling me you needed me I'd probably be there. (But that's just the way I was raised.)

I really do wish you the best. I hope you get everything you want out of this life. I hope you pass statistics (because I know you stressed about that class but you're smart and you got this), I hope you make it into fire school and you kick ass and graduate at the top of your class. I hope you find love in your current relationship and that he is everything you want and deserve. I hope he makes you feel beautiful every single second of every single day (Because you so are). I hope you get married, have a happy marriage and have lots of babies. And I hope you live a long a happy life.

But I do wanna apologize if I've ever been a shitty friend to you and not known about it. I'm sorry.

I want to say thank you to you though for giving me all the wild memories, the motercycle rides we took together, the beach trips, the late night Taco Bell runs after line dancing the night away, going to the island and relaxing. Thank you for it all. It's going to be hard not picturing you in my life, you in my wedding, growing old or scaring all the fainting goats but it's something that I have to do. I hope one day you understand. And forgive me for doing this...

Stay wild always.

Love, Your wild friend